Daily Communication

K: Daily Communication

*Pain remedies taken tracker. I use PillPack* for my prescription drugs, but the pain remedies I take are out of sync with the twice- and once-daily medications, so I made this simple checklist to use daily. Without it, every day looks the same. It still seems like I still take a lot of pills.

Learned: That I can swipe a post from the past and get the caption style back that I like. That having collaborators here may be trickier than I think it will be. That I can think about becoming plant-based while enjoying a pile of porky dumplings! 3.

3+1: Day two of black coffee. “Slept again” this morning, until 10:30 a.m. People have hard conversations to have before they can move forward. I want to go for a walk, but ________. 3+1.

Seems: Like my new friend from “Buy Nothing” is also becoming a good accountability coach for getting me to take walks. Like this day has sped by. Like I have many animal-based items in the house tempting me to put off my new program. 3.

Three Old Questions:
“What if I made this Easy?”
“What about this is REHAB?”
“What if I made this Important?”

Carrying over from just before my brother died:
I am embracing the beauty of nature.

Thinking about: Radical changes actually being doable and worth it. Getting more rest at inconvenient times, as a cat might. My beautiful Tuesday Wizards. 3.

On-purpose ways of being: Smooth, curious, and alive, while forgiveness, peace, freedom, and unconditional love are in the background always.

Accomplished: Extra Sleep. 14-hour fast. Nic cooked vegan beans and rice for dinner.

Watched/Watching: The documentary “The Game Changer” has me convinced a plant-based diet will be my salvation. I am also watching “The Junior British Bake-off.” And the M.C. Escher one, below.

Reading: “Parable of the Sower” by Octavia E. Butler. If I ever write a book, I will put an initial between my first and last names. Clayton R. Kilgore?

A documentary worth watching:

K: Resuming Communication

“The Sea of Fog” Caspar David Friedrich, 1818. Image Source: images.fineartamerica.com via HERE. I have a minimalist friend who chose this image as his only artwork. Hmm.

Learned: I can drink my coffee black, which is still enjoyable. That I can get in a snit, forlorn and positional, entitled, cunty and self-righteous (on the inside), and come out of it with resolve, greet the world newly, and buy beautiful fruits and vegetables.

Grateful for: the undercurrent of human kindness that I believe is in us all, even in the seemingly cruelest. Corner shop with beautiful fruits and vege. The generosity I am, even when I am not.

Seems: Like I’ve been tricked, or I tricked myself into believing X; like I’ll never win my health game; like I need to “get out of it.”

New Habits: walk-a-block every day (going outside, by the front door), Beets and celery juice. Black coffee (day one is Oct. 11, 2022), plant-based eating and drinking to de-fat the blood (if I can do the black coffee, I can do anything!) Journaling like this (newly, again). Instagramming as artist.

Thinking about: Since it’s been a while, it’s fair to say I’ve been thinking about many things. The top three and most recent are:

1). how strange it is to have this mode of thinking “back” that resembles the pre-SSNRI times. Not as Zen an experience, but with more possibility than the accepting every moment as it was (since there was little I could do about it) way of life. It’s as if things could be important. And that maybe being healthy is possible by accepting drastic measures. I’m thinking about the past decade I’ve spent in a drug-induced stuckness. Not as manic as I was when the drug was wearing off. But a sadness, maybe from what I’m reading and from completing pleasurable habits like coffee with cream.

2). I have work to do. Habit work, mind work. The days will still wash over me, no matter what I choose.

3). Learning re-learning is troubling. I hope some habit-forming takes place that has me wordpressing and such with greater ease. I understand winging it with settings will mess things up.

Listen or View: (A link to a video, so others can see something they never would see or hear some music they wouldn’t find on their own.)

Reading? Parable of the Sower by Octavia E. Butler. I have a stack of books like I always have, but I am going to attempt a lifestyle of reading just one book at a time for the rest of my life. That will be new and way less scattered.

This book, a dystopian-future survival story set written in the 1980s about a time around now, is pretty saddening as a story. Now that I have access to emotions again, I am not sure I like the story, but I like the way it’s written, and since it’s an audiobook read by Lynne Thigpen, I am enjoying the performance even though my soul desires to live in a brighter world.

Wildcard: I felt physically nervous while waiting in line at Walgreens. Social distancing seems to be over.

Daily Quarantine Questions

90050849_10158213701027359_5860139728979886080_o — Questions by my super-buddy Colleen Schell. #Quaranteam

1. What am I Grateful for today?
2. Who am I Checking In On or Connecting With today?
3. What expectations of “normal” am I Letting Go Of today?
4. How am I Getting Outside today?
5. How am I Moving My Body today?
6. What Beauty am I either Creating, Cultivating, or Inviting In today?

J: Daily Communication – Resuming

Learned: How to set up a Zoom meeting with registration. That meetings on zoom are similar to meetings in person. That one of my associates may be a Highly Sensitive Person or an Empath. That tiny houses need to resemble the activities and sensibilities of the person/couple who plan to live there.

Grateful for: Zoom. Skype. The adaptability of my species. My pantry management system.

Seems: Like there is always a reason not to leave the house. Like I live in a place that has highly responsible governing. Like I have lost some ground with the integrity of my fasting and feeding program. Like my tiny house would end up being kind of large because I am large.

New Habits: I haven’t started much that’s new except for resuming this format of journaling. The recent game has me saying, “Aqua Credenza!” and “We don’t even know what we are!” and “Who I am is the possibility of being empty with playful abandon!” I want the habit of putting on clothes, shoes and socks, and walking around outside.

Thinking about: Tiny houses for others now, but maybe for me in a possible minimalist future, if there is a future. Offering an online discussion group for Me & White Supremacy.*

Listen: Podcast: gig-workers in time of coronavirus

Watch: Big Life, Tiny House

Reading? The books I have open for reading now are:
The Circle Way by Christina Baldwin & Ann Linnea
*Me & White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad
We’re Polarized by Ezra Klein
A Case Against Reality by Donald Hoffman
Words on the Move by John McWhorter
Homo Deus by Yuval Noah Harari
Toil & Trouble by Augusten Burroughs
Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi

Q: What are you finding time for now that you didn’t have time for before “Shelter in Place” was established?

My answer: Doing this again!

Aqua Credenza!
Aqua_Credenza

What’s So

Emmanuel Valtierra Illustrator 1 — Thanks to my friend Mark Ramirez for turning me on to this Illustration by Emmanuel Valtierra

What’s So – By Werner Erhard

What’s so is always just what’s so. What’s so doesn’t care what you think, feel, intend or wish; it will not bend. You can be freaked out or driven over what’s so, and it won’t change what’s so. If you’re late for an appointment, getting freaked out about it won’t have you arrive any earlier. If you’re having a bad day, being freaked out won’t change what’s so.

That which you seek will not bring you satisfaction – aligning with what’s so will.

When you’re upset, you’re never upset over what’s so. What’s so is just what’s so, and you’re upset.

If your house burns down and you get upset, does it bring your house back? What’s so doesn’t care if you’re upset; it’s up to you how you handle what’s so. There is no confusion in what’s so. When you don’t know you just don’t know – there is no confusion there.

There’s nothing right or wrong about what’s so. What’s so is always open to different interpretations. There’s always just what’s so, and then you have an interpretation.

What scares you isn’t what’s so, it’s your interpretation. The interpretation is never true; what’s so is real, the interpretation is not.

Who you’re being is just who you’re being, and what’s so doesn’t care if you’re happy with it or not, so why should you? When you’re not being with what’s so, that’s also just what’s so. Why should you concern yourself?

Other people should always be the way they’re being; if you think they shouldn’t, that’s your interpretation. Bring yourself back to what’s so about them. Until you can be with what’s so, you can’t be with anything or anyone. You may have control over other people’s what’s so, but none over their interpretation – give it up.

If you take action or not, it’s still just what’s so. If it works out well or not, it’s still just what’s so. You can never make a right or wrong decision or take a right or wrong action.

Whatever you do will always bring you more of what’s so, and then you have an interpretation about it. Whatever you don’t have, so what? Whatever you’ve done or thought in the past, again so what? Whatever happens in the future is not to be feared. It’s just going to be more of what’s so.

The challenge is to spend as much time in what’s so as you can. The chatter in your head is more interpretation, and it has nothing to do with what’s so. There’s nothing wrong with the chatter, it’s just you listening to a fantasy.

The thought that there is something wrong is an illusion; there is nothing wrong, there is only what’s so.

Notice when you’re comparing what’s so to some fantasy of how it should be. Bring yourself back to what’s so and it will be O.K.

Ask yourself what’s so and align with that. Align with what’s so and it will not matter. That is the foundation of transformation and satisfaction.

Not aligning with what’s so is the only thing that will ever bring you hardship or suffering. Life in what’s so will bring you harmony, grace, and balance.

The other side of what is so is so what.

Ask yourself – what’s so about your situation?

I: Daily Communication

catheads01_r1 — The Catheads of Jan 3, 2019

If you know nothing about me, this is probably a good place to start.

Let’s just say I’ve always felt a little funny about this subject. When “The Sixth Sense” with Gary Collins was on TV in the early ’70s, I was 10 or 11 and very interested in psychic phenomenon as well as the occult, witchcraft and mental illness. I’m probably on a list somewhere due to the kinds of books I checked out at the Lake Oswego Public Library as a child! I knew there was something to it and it always seemed important to listen to people to understand the things they were not saying, and I often felt I had something to tell others that they might like to know. I didn’t really think this could be considered crazy but I didn’t want to draw unwanted attention so never really did much with it. I wondered if that was just what everyone did, and I guess I still believe they probably do.

Over the past several years, I’ve been looking at myself from different views and inventing possible lives (e.g., as an enlightened shopping-center Santa), that I’d be unlikely to stumble upon like I did with being an artist. Being an empath/intuitive appeals to me, but still am not sure about attracting the odd attention. So far, I have been working with a mentor and am training up to go pro! I’ve done five practice readings, and each person seemed intrigued by what I had for them. The most important thing I’ve learned so far is simply to trust that what I’m getting is for them and they’ll know what to do with it.

Starting today, I have a game going for myself that has me exploring what it is to be Infinite, Steadfast and Prolific, and I am fearlessly ready to start an official practice, which is like on-the-court coaching, but from pre-listening to the conversation we will have when we have it. Anyone interested, send a question you really want power around to claykilgore-at-gmail.com and sign up for a time slot here. Please allow me 24 hours before our call to get into your world. The next five to sign up are free!

???? Clay K

garycollins — Gary Collins holding a cool looking book from “The Sixth Sense.”

I: Daily Communication

Incredible underwater sculptures of Jason deCaires Taylor

It’s the last day of 2018. How’d that happen? Where was I?
Mostly off format, let’s see what’s there to be said…

3: The team of wizards, ashers, angels, daddies and other lovely spirit pals that keep me interested in looking at what life could be; media in all its forms, and; new commitment, from wherever it comes. 3.

This year, I’ve been officially learning how to work as an “Intuitive” and so far, so good. I have done five readings and the people all were intrigued by what I had for them. I even had one person ask for a second reading in January. I guess I am a natural! It seems to be coming easily and none of the serious subjects have felt too taboo. I do have my attention on not wanting to be too WOO or otherwise inappropriate. Not sure what to think of it but I am glad I found this to do.

Looking forward to making my own fresh dill pickles this year, as well as keeping a big jar of pikliz in the fridge. Vinegar is helpful in reducing insulin resistance, which I believe has been the culprit behind many of my chronic health concerns. I am looking forward to banishing most of those concerns in 2019. I will be eating in a different way than I ever have before. I think it’s going to be surprisingly easy, fasting for periods, then feasting on foods that do not cause a lot of insulin activity.

One thing that stands out is that when I send one of these Daily Communications, a tweet goes out with a link, and one day last November, some #Qanon person got ahold of one and said this:

NJ_SharonTRUMP_MARINA, AC @NJSharon1
Nov 22Replying to @HaitiKledevClay

@LisaMei62 @iHeartEllaCruz #qanon THIS GUY DOESN;T LOOK LIKE A REPUTABLE HUMANITARIAN. Creepy pics, and mentioning CommunistSatanic Silicon Valley only compounds the mistrust..Investigation for CrimesAgainstChildern needed..#qanon

Quite hilarious. As if. I can own that some of the images I post are kind of creepy. I like creepy art. I think it takes more guts to make creepy art and actually show it. Some of the really interesting things in life could be viewed as creepy, like insects or mollusks. I tend to think of people these days of having a 39% chance of having a creepy point of view about things. I still get the power in validating those points of view, even when I secretly want to punish their stupidity.

This year, I’ve set up a little painting area in my living room. It kept being used for piling stuff that didn’t have a place and I felt it was starting to look like an episode of “Hoarders” but now it’s stocked and ready for painting to happen. I have done some cool backgrounds and now just need to let ’er rip with some wacky letting it flow. Expect 33 new paintings by the end of March 2019, mostly of strange cat faces (I call them cat heads).

Interesting story here: https://vimeo.com/kalakala/teenspirit

I’m on my way to find some Egg Fu Yung. Happy New Year.

Clay

“It’s ALL made up.”

I love the idea of the underwater statuary, even though I’m never gonna put on scuba gear to get up close and personal.

Longer email coming tomorrow!

Love to all your families and families of choice from a brother (uncle?) of choice…

Dario

Thank God every morning when you get up that you have something to do that day which must be done whether you like it or not. Being forced to work, and forced to do your best, will breed in you temperance and self-control, diligence and strength of will, cheerfulness and content, and a hundred virtues that the idle will never know.

Charles Kingsley

I’m gonna take a shot at your style of postings, you two, with some added and possibly deleted categories. It may be fluid and inconstant for a while. It seems like that’s more who I am anyway.

Dario

Learned: What English sounded like at the beginning of the 19th century (see note on Jane Austen below). This is more of a re-learn, since I was an English major. It’s not as arcane as Shakespeare from 2 centuries earlier, but it still takes getting used to.

3: Friends who take in strays for Thanksgiving. Silly little dogs. Out-of-the-way wineries in the foothills.

Seems: Like I’m drifting without a purpose to give me daily direction. Like I never had any of that in the first place, and I should have. Like my best years are definitely behind me. Like I’m attracted to interesting, non-fiction works but I mostly read dreck, while the other “important” books sit on my nightstand until I give them away.

Thinking about: Death and mortality and legacy.

Accomplishments: Got my ear wax removed today which in CA requires a licensed Audiologist. He told me to start using the drops once a week. Jesus, one more thing to put on my calendar! Have stayed civil so far with my sister-in-law who’s staying with us for 2 weeks from Michigan – only 4 1/2 more days to go. To be fair, she’s a lovely woman, just not my cup of tea. Bought a “pretty” casserole dish to take to Thanksgiving tomorrow night. Trying a new recipe for roasted broccolini. I’ve become a very good cook over the years, and I work well without a net. Never afraid to try a new recipe on company for the first time.

Books, films, TV: Reading Jane Austen’s Emma, having just finished re-reading Pride and Prejudice in preparation for a play next month that takes the characters from that book and moves forward 2 years. Saw Bohemian Rhapsody, the biopic about Freddy Mercury and Queen. Gonna start watching The Kominsky Method on Netflix with Michael Douglas and Alan Arkin. Watched episodes one and two of eight; Arkin has all the best lines – it’s old-fashioned schtick.

The mind replays what the heart doesn’t complete.
– Adapted from trueactivist.com

I: Daily Communication

My Garden Buddha after 20 years of rain.

Learned: What DA’s ThanksTuesday is all about. That my Great Uncle Lonny died yesterday. What a great character he was. A lot of family members exist as a result of his marriage with Great Aunt Myrna. I imagine many of them are suffering over his passing. I am not suffering or upset. I am not even spiritually bypassing. It will be strange without him. I have a ton of respect for anyone who makes it to their death.

3. Rain. The feeling when it’s been an honor. A day with no more appointments. 3.

Seems: Like I used to have this huge capacity for being about a lot of things, and now, not so much. Like Expectations are inherited. Like what I’m really good at is purchasing.

New Habits: Wash face and brush teeth 10am/10pm. More green, less dairy. 15 minutes of auto-writing in the a.m. Meditate more often.

Thinking about: Wondering if I will be traveling to go to a religion funeral in the very near future. All the things I could cook that I don’t need to have for Thanksgiving. I’ll probably make gumbo.

Accomplishments: Made dinner for two. Laundry. Watered plants (then it rained).

Q from last time: If you could take everything you had to do and literally set it completely aside for a weekend, and were appointed as Artist, what might you create? My answer: The weekend part seems like an unwanted limitation, but if I Started, I would designate a room as a studio and become a prolific painter.

Video: https://vimeo.com/300596477 “WARNING: This video may potentially trigger seizures for people with photosensitive epilepsy. Viewer discretion is advised.”

Reading: The Art of Psychic Reiki by Lisa Campion, Automatic Intuition (Textbook) by Slade Roberson.

Clay
“How we go, IT goes.”

I: Daily Communication

“Hive Mind Awakens” by mrawesomezombie666
(I think this is the same mrzombie)

Learned: The name of the tall man who is inside the new “Predator Evolved” movie predator costume, Brian A. Prince (@thebaprince Instagram). What Parkour is, thanks to Brian A. Prince. Which musical pieces DA would take with him were he stranded on an island. 3. Bonus: New Router has a tiny power button on the side that can be easily pushed accidentally, turning off internet in the entire house.

3. The seminar I’m in. Cutting the Cord. Cat Heads. 3.

Seems: Like upset is a mode the opposite of present. Like most upsets won’t blow up the world, but some could. Like things could change in an unwanted way while one is indulging an upset. 3.

New Habits: Wash face and brush teeth 10am/10pm. More green, less dairy. 15 minutes of autowriting in the a.m.

Thinking about: Wondering why I am so driven to produce like a beaver even after completing that I have to. Painting catheads. Obsessively.

Accomplishments: Been making minor improvements here and there, nothing huge by most people’s standards, but accomplishments for me. Changing how things like TV comes to the house, methods of banking and access to driving all have been reworked. Integrity still works.

Q: If you could take everything you had to do and literally set it completely aside for a weekend, and were appointed as Artist, what might you create? My answer next time!

Video: https://youtu.be/LGinimRIl04

Reading? The Art of Psychic Reiki by Lisa Campion, Automatic Intuition (Textbook) by Slade Roberson

Clay
“How we go, IT goes.”