Daily Communication

Things to say: Although I have lost momentum in communicating daily as I have with many other endeavors, I reserve the right to call it Daily Communication no matter how often it comes out. No big deal, but chronologically we are still in the “I:” category, but it keeps getting jerked back into “Re:” so when I post, we somehow get back on track, but “I:” is taking a rather long time to complete.

Today is a third day of rest in a row for me after many days of not-rest. On Sunday, I made some pretty tasty mini meatloaves with ground turkey and Italian sausage, but I still prefer it when someone else is in charge of doing the cooking. Those days are approaching.

My new game is called “Taking my life back: Mr. K”. My life is seeming more and more invented all the time, while I am also getting a ton of dental work done which is a breakthrough result compared to the previous three years of trying and giving up. I’m also very freed up by switching my pharmacy to pillpack.com. No more waiting in line at the corner drugstore for way-too-long!

Who I am is the possibility of being intuitive, provocative and enchanted.

Another thing I say is what are always available around me are peace, freedom, forgiveness and unconditional love.

That doesn’t mean you can move in. I have separate columns for integrity and workability. Sometimes Alexa hears its name while I’m listening to the news. The proper thing to say seems to be “never mind.”

Beauty: http://bit.ly/2O6RBsB

Three: https://youtu.be/YZoYEr6NdmE

Bonus: https://youtu.be/2z3hIBkRLOU

Clay

“How we go, IT goes.”

Learned: Some of the structures I have in place to keep me safe also keep me from being free. Amazon Fresh is not that different from Safeway delivery, better prices on some things I use regularly, but the worker is a freelance and needs to be tipped. I don’t mind tipping. I always get it back! I have a lost debit card. It is lost in my own house somewhere.

3: 121 reading on the glucometer. Grocery delivery day. Espresso powder. 3.

Seems: like I’d better get used to the idea that this is it and stop trying to make it some other way. Like people are disappointed when they realize I really won’t call without an appointment. Like when there is a significant setback, it rolls back all the good habits to defaults. When I watch only British TV and movies, my speaking changes dramatically, like I am learning the language.

Like our 10:00 a.m. wizard call might be interrupted by my grocery deliveries, but let’s have it anyway!

OLD New Questions: (with no Daily Communication, no asking of questions happens)
“What about this is Strength?”
“What about this is Beauty?”
“What about this is Strength AND Beauty?” (These, however, still live in the daily journaling of my soon-to-be-ending ReBootay! Game.)

I am loving every bit of life. (I shared this with JR who has traveled home to Vermont to be with her mum as she fades away under a cancerous morphine cloud. She got it.)

Thinking about: How writing has become an achey chore. How I’ve gone and done it again in regard to volunteering, now the interim web guy for the California Men’s Gatherings and having to sort it all out in response to a breakdown. How I have been putting off dealing with my bank because I think they have too strict policies and I won’t make it through the call about my own accounts without being sent looking for something I should have in front of me before making the call.

On-purpose ways of being: Intuitive, Radical and Enchanted, while forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love are always available.

Accomplished: Threw out back (pulled muscle?) and recovered mostly but lost all momentum.

Q, again: So, what’s new?

My Answer: New again: NB is back on my couch after a boneopsy, and will go in for actual corrective surgery after that heals. Hence the massive grocery orders. Another thing is being the web guy for CMG – I have learned how to forward emails in Google G Suite with no help from any other human. I joined a gym and went twice, then the back went out, so we’ll be starting that game again (and again!).

Beauty: https://youtu.be/TBmZjOHrVJ0,
https://youtu.be/i235Y2HRksA

Listening to: The Kills, Ray LaMontagne

Watched: “How It Ends” on Netflix.

Reading: “Medical Medium: Secrets Behind Chronic and Mystery Illness and How to Finally Heal” by Anthony William – I’ve heard “Adrenal fatigue” for the first time as a thing I could look to repair.

Hey there, old friend!

I’ve been meaning to reach out for quite a while, but just didn’t have a good enough why until today. The why today is out of pure generosity and a bit of curiosity.

I’ve been wondering how you are getting on. We’re all aging, and for quite a stretch, I’d thought I was immune to it! Meanwhile, I’ve been dealing with health problems and pretending life is great—and it has been in many ways—but I’ve let my communication get pretty small and have been leaving a lot of people out, including you. Nothing was meant by it; I just needed to minimize stimulation and writing is very stimulating. It’s still like that.

After all those years of saying, “I don’t do stress” it just sort of started being there, like a chronic disease. At the same time, it seemed like the body just couldn’t do any of what it could do before. It’s like actual chronic fatigue, and it’s not all in my head, as much as I wish it were! I’ve also gained so much weight and my hair is turning white… I am looking like Santa these days and I am not kidding!

The trick in the moment has been to let go of comparing myself to my former configurations and to maintain an empowered context, no matter what is happening, about what’s possible. It helps that I have a team for that, made up of several beloved friends I’ve met along the way. We have weekly calls. Let me know if you want in on that; there’s always room for one more!

You have been an amazing contribution to so many. Thanks for demonstrating how freedom to shamelessly self-express could look, plus that reinventing yourself thing you do so well!

Let me know if you’re free for a coffee next time your in town. We can have it here at my place. The garden is looking beautiful these days!

Clay
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“How we go, IT goes.”

Learned (or remembered): How to make a NY-style cheesecake. It’s been years. I’m using Marias crumbs for the crust. I probably shouldn’t plan to eat too much of it, but I can’t wait to have some. I cut the sugar by about half. It’s in the oven now, but cooling with the door propped open slightly with a wooden spoon. The damn thing has deep cracks. MW mouri. VMR in never-ending, expectable circumstances. 26 years in SF, getting close to half of life (six more years will be half).

3: Assembly line painters. Scary doll faces. July 1st. 3.

Seems: Like I have two main modes – up and down – that feel about the same. Like I really really should and could be DOING more to be an example for others.

Ask Yourselves:
“What about this is Strength?”
“What about this is Beauty?”
“What about this is Strength AND Beauty?”

I am loving every bit of life.

Thinking about: Starting and finishing something all in one day. Seriously considering taking down something that been up for a long while. Everyone has a phone in their hand but few are in communication – a recurring thought. How we humans love to measure everything.

On-purpose ways of being: Intuitive, Radical and Enchanted, while forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love are always available.

Recently Accomplished: Depending on when I publish this, a lovely cheesecake, in spite of any cracking. One full month of walking with no support stick. One full month of observing existing budget and tracking expenses as they happen.

New Q : How is food used as a reward or a treat in your current practice?

My Answer: If it’s not a treat, it’s practically not given much thought. I want snacks! When I start to run out of snacks, that’s when I shop. I never will run out of regular food. I think It’ll all end up with me on some very restrictive diet so I can be a macho fit daddy. I really don’t want to stay Santa/Buddha forever.

Strength & Beauty: https://vimeo.com/70424297

Watching: “Goliath” Season 2 on Amazon Prime.

If I’m Reading, It’s: “Words on the Move” by John McWhorter

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Learned: It’s over-stimulation that I need to avoid — not stress — which I can control as soon as I notice the signs. JR’s nieces are twins. My mother has shingles. I can easily shop for the ingredients for many more projects than I can get done and should consider letting go of much more than I already have to get free from the having to do them. Entering the wrong info in the field for name of profile will disintegrate mucho. Avoid confusion by using legal name for legal things.

3: Having not much scheduled. Having time to deal with technological breakdowns. Lemons. ​3.

Seems: like I say something about doing something creative and then completely forget about it like that’s how I do it. Like it shouldn’t be this way when computery breakdowns happen. Like I am just this close to giving up when a system failure erupts.

New Questions:
“What about this is Strength?”
“What about this is Beauty?”
“What about this ​is Strength AND Beauty?”

I am loving every bit of life. (Oops, forgot this for a few days…)

Thinking about: ​​Letting some things be the way they are and messing with others. What I could have done differently, but for the future only, not questioning strengths in the past. Changing the Wizard Call to Tuesdays if it works for the Wizards. Timing.

On-purpose ways of being: Intuitive, Radical and Enchanted, while forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love are always​ available.

Recently Accomplished: Peeled chickpeas for hummus-making. Caused NB to sit up and prep in the kitchen. Hot potato salad. Goulash. Split Pea. Garbage out. Laundry.

​New ​Q​: So, what’s been happening in your life this past week?

My Answer: I have realized a new angle to my seemingly messy health. I need to manage stimulation. Over-stimulation is the factor that sends me down, and I was not equating it to stimulation, I was relating to it all as stress as if it all comes from out of nowhere. It feels like an important distinction. So I’ve done some errands and watched some shows, with breaks. Over-stimulation tends to happen on a more extended project, like cooking, eating and cleaning, or showering, dressing and leaving the house all in the same string. I need to plan things more broken up and to keep getting back up with a frequency, so the breaks don’t outweigh the periods of effort.

Strength & Beauty:​ https://vimeo.com/276640145

Watched: ​​“The Core” and “Suicide Squad” and a bunch of others…

Reading: “Words on the Move” by John McWhorter.

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Learned: El título de la pintura se traduce a “Stay tuned to your screens.” See what I did there? ​Following an odd clue can take you someplace interesting. Following a stranger walking down the street can quicken the pace.

3: Dental technology​. Medical technology. The “Brandless” brand. 3.

Seems: ​​like especially when I’m tired, I get swirly on my commitments. Like focusing on strength and beauty is making my shoulders rounder and more solid, among other things. Like dental exams makes the teeth more sensitive. Like a lot of new regimens will be required to maintain strength and beauty.

New Questions:
“What about this is Strength?”
“What about this is Beauty?”
“What about this ​is Strength AND Beauty?”

I am loving every bit of life.

Thinking about: ​​Completing being “Big Brother” so not having to look after/take care of everyone younger. My teeth with less horror now that I get the what’s so.

On-purpose ways of being: Intuitive, Radical and Enchanted, while forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love are always​ available.

Accomplished (recently): Many dental exams leading to a “plan.” ​​Have had consistently between 100 and 140 glucose readings since monitoring my eating habits. Then binged out and still got it down to that. Some cooking.
Clipper Card in hand, lower rate achieved, free fare program applied for.

​New Q​: So, what’s new?

My Answer: The newest items in my life are all from Brandless.com. Nicely designed, like the old “generics” but upgraded. Got some snacks, salad dressings, and some notebooks, plus testing out their TP (because I really want to stop buying the Koch brother brands). Their annual free shipping program is only $36 a year. If I decide to use them for anything cyclical, I’ll likely buy in. Dropping the number after each category except “3:”

Stren​g​th & Beauty:​
https://vimeo.com/272012978

Listening to: Cecilia Bartoli, Agnes Obel

Watched: ​​“Extremely Close and Incredibly Loud.” Loved it. Finished “The Punisher” series​ on Netflix, then “Patrick Melrose” and started series “The Rain” and “Lost in Space.” All quality. ​

​Finished Reading on Plane: “Sovereignty” by Ryan Michler​, ​recommended for men’s group enthusiasts.

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Learned: Sheku Kanneh-Mason is the name of the 19-year old cellist who played at the latest royal wedding. That, when she was a newlywed, my mother shot a pheasant with a shotgun from the inside of the house while standing on a kitchen chair so she wouldn’t destroy her clothesline. That I ​unknowingly ​missed the entire acting​ ​career of Ralph Fiennes.​ 3. ​

3: ​My father’s kindness. My ​fellow Wizards.​ Whatever is going to happen next. ​3.

Seems: ​Like some things are forever out of reach for me. Like I could use Rickie Lee Jones’ song “Company” as the thing that gets me to cry on cue.​ Like what I miss about my brother most is the possibility of his company. 3.
*​ I am going to have to use today’s image in my next collage, even if I have to make up a seeming!​

New Questions:
“What about this is Strength?”
“What about this is Beauty?”
“What about this ​is Strength AND Beauty?”

I am loving every bit of life.

Thinking about: ​Doing what a healthy person would do. Napping on a more regular basis. Old records and books that I had forgotten/thought were gone. 3.

On-purpose ways of being: Intuitive, Radical and Enchanted, while forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love are always in the background.

Accomplished (recently): ​Got ready to leave the house for nine days, including packing. Air-traveled to Portland/Lake Oswego. One day of eating more “like a healthy person would.” 3.

​New ​Q​: What’s that thing that you wish could do more like a healthy person would?

My Answer: ​Primarily, the eating thing. I’ve been very guided my childish desires and have no habit of schedule, so breakfast is gone, Lunch is in response to low blood sugar (the feeling) and dinner is a three-hour grazing period. I’m reeling it in, though.​ Initiating limits on sugary snacks and starting the breakfast by 9:00 a.m. even if I don’t feel like it plan.

Strenth & Beauty:​
https://youtu.be/RLd9PcZW5PQ

Watched: ​“Red Dragon” with Ralph Fiennes​. ​Started watching the Netflix “SAFE” series on my own, and “The Punisher” series with my Mom last night. She should probably see the movie first, it’s hard to find a violent program with not much swearing, but Marvel delivers! We also watched “The Saint” which she liked – rated TV-14!

​Listened: Started​ new audio book “How to Change Your Mind”​ ​by Michael Pollan​, plus heard an old Album Rickie Lee Jones “Pirates” that I once swore I would never listen to again.

Listening ​on Planes: “Sovereignty” by Ryan Michler​, which is where I heard “Do it like a healthy person would.”

​Learned: The last time I: Daily Communicated was April 22. Meaning of Deminimus said by the awesome lawyer Michael Avanatti, Esq. Having an additional 3.5 cu. ft of freezer space feels like a better way to deal with shopping for the month with minimal kitchen help. 3.

3: ​Giving myself permission to just be. Forgetting that I gave myself permission to just be and remembering. Being taunted by distant drumming practice whilst letting it be. 3.

Seems: ​Like I have always resisted defining objects as spiritual items, but got recently that I get to make it up, it can stay made up as part of the game, not a kooky embarrassing adopted belief in something woo like a magic wand. Like I am more interested in figuring out how to do something than I am in doing it. Like I’ve become irritable triggered by common city noise. 3.

New Questions:
“What about this is Strength?”
“What about this is Beauty?”
“What about this works toward winning the ReBooTay! Game?”

I am embracing the beauty of nature, which is the same as loving every bit of life.

Thinking about: ​My fairly fun new game, called “ReBootay!” Celebrating my brother’s life. Really wanting to lower my blood glucose, but being ambiguous about it. Making a magic wand. 4.

On-purpose ways of being: Intuitive, Radical and Enchanted, while forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love are always in the background.

Accomplished (recently): ​Made two quiches and a pot of chili. Dealt with medication issues. Got new, modern ice-making trays. This. 4.

Q for eternity: What did you do to generate fun today?

My Answer: I think it’s fun to have treats. I have eating linked to fun. Whoa. No wonder…

Video: https://youtu.be/sWPhoJTjW3Y

Watched: ​A little of this, a little of that. Finished “Southland.” Liked it, but don’t love to see something promoted about police corruption as just the way it is or the creation of “stereotypical” criminals. Movie “Christine” (not the car, but the 1970s TV news reporter) on Netflix was a fun romp with a weird finish. “Captain America: The First Avenger.” These Marvel movies are the best!

Reading on Planes: “Sovereignty” by Ryan Michler.

Learned: We had a typo in the subject “I: Daily Communiction” and now we have started fresh with “I: Daily Communication.” Kahk essence, required for making “Kahk,”
a cookie made for Eid, is a powdered spice of anise, fennel, and Mahlab, which is gotten from a specific kind of cherry seed. The first numbers my brother ever had to memorize were 5-7-6-8, which was our address on Bonita Road. 3.

3+1: The brain’s ability to build patterns upon patterns. Being able to somewhat direct that pattern-making. The total acceptance of old friends. Kindness. 3+1.

Seems: Like I could quit working on/participating in anything when I am really tired and out of balance (and I hadn’t quite yet seen it like that). Like thick, fatty bacon doesn’t work for my digestion. Like I may be closer to joining “Automatic Intuitive” than I thought. Like I would benefit from doing some kind of cleanse in the very near future. 4.

Three Questions:
“What if I made this Easy?”
“What about this is REHAB?”
“What if I made this Important?”

I am embracing the beauty of nature.

Thinking about: How great it has been to be with my parents during my brother’s final days. Home, and how ready I am to go home and be in control of my food supply. How my current body configuration doesn’t offer me much freedom, and radical new action is the only path to transforming that. I’d like to let go of all this and be about something lovely. 4.

On-purpose ways of being: Courageous, radical, confronting and enchanted with forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love in the background always.

Accomplished: Made a quiche. Filled the pillboxes. Took morning meds. This. 4.

Q for April: What did you do to generate fun today?

My Answer: It hasn’t been too much fun recently, but I did go out with my old pal SS to a cafe/kolaches bakery called The Happy Sparrow and we chatted about some of the things going on in her life. Made me realize how absorbed I’ve been in all of this cancer, sickness, death and dying stuff. Need variation stat!

Video: https://vimeo.com/169675137

Watched: My mom has really gotten into binge-watching “Arrow” so I’ve been watching that with her. After she goes to bed, I watch an episode or two of “Southland.”

May return to Reading: “Sovereignty” by Ryan Michler. Or something else.

Learned: It’s been 10 days since I daily communicated, but what I said last time stayed relevant. There is a really good list of International Suicide Hotlines for when someone is needing a listen in another country. Having three wizards is a strong structure for wizardry, especially when one is called away. MA has buttons and they’ve been pushed, but he is simultaneously sharpening his sword, a lesson for us all. I’m not a sociopath, but I can be that guy who says inappropriate things to people I don’t know very well. DA has generated a lot of fun and got some bleep which makes me oddly gleeful – hooray!

3+1: Being called to my brother’s side 10 days early. The miracle of life, including death. Il est mort but I’m not morbid about it. Stormy Daniels’ Hot Lawyer. My ability to get all snot-nosed emotional in the presence of love. 3+1.

Seems: Like Nature takes, but having is also a seeming. Like as soon as someone dies, the furniture has to all go back to the way it was before. Like I’ve stopped taking care of myself but will start again any day now. Like my importance as a son is now magnified as the one who is still alive. 4.

Three Questions:
“What if I made this Easy?”
“What about this is REHAB?”
“What if I made this Important?”

I am embracing the beauty of nature. (There is nothing wrong.)

Thinking about: What a good space it’s been to be embracing the beauty of nature. How odd it has been to be in a text group with all my aunts and uncles and how we will likely dismantle it until the next time someone is dying.

On-purpose ways of being: Courageous, radical, confronting and enchanted with forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love in the background always.

Accomplished: Got up out of bed. Had 2 cups of coffee. Texts to seven. This.

Q for April: What did you do to generate fun today?
My Answer: Today? I’m just getting started. I am the possibility of fun and I see french fries in my future!

Video: https://youtu.be/gJoRjwUyZUE

Watched: My funny little brother gracefully die after giving all he had trying to stay alive. My parents trying to be with it. His girlfriend trying to be with it. His children trying to be with it.

May return to Reading: “Sovereignty” by Ryan Michler.