Daily Communication

An important opportunity for Republicans in Congress. Call today! pic.twitter.com/OoYgqwCoqA

— The Lincoln Project (@ProjectLincoln) October 12, 2024

October 12, 2024— I may need to let this blog die after all these years. Everything costs more now, and I don’t think I can continue to sustain it all. My great “for life” deal is ending with the end of i-brave’s life. I refuse to convert to the service that is offering to convert.

Learned: I can enter Twitter and not wade in too far. With hips aligned, lower back still hurts, and it may actually take what my chiropractor prescribes: repetition of realignment.

Grateful: Human connection. Letting go of being unworthy and allowing others to feel the joy of being a contribution. Spinal adjustment after all these years.

Accomplished: Held space for Heart Circle. Found Dr. Fretty after 12 years and accepted his contribution. Got the coaching, Universe…

Thinking about: Winding up the content creation, even though I haven’t really been for a long time.

I am creating a world where people live in natural harmony. My stand is that all of our histories are acknowledged, accepted, and completed. The outcome is that our human family has learned well to listen and love deeply and freely. We have moved beyond our inclinations toward strife with renewed motivation and expanded capability to create our lives. Together, we have achieved the peace and sufficiency we needed and always knew was possible.

I like the sound of this one:

Reading/Listening/Watching right now: I’ve been watching old “Password” gameshow videos, and a Korean horror drama on Netflix that has to do with experimenting on women in the 1940s that resulted in something monstrous. Sorry, can’t remember the name while typing this.

Seemings From Before that still seems:

NEW: like I am losing ground;

• like I have most of it handled, at least what I can see to handle…

A Quote About Happiness :

“If you are a taker of happiness you get misery, if you are a giver of happiness you get joy and love.” 
~ Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Still among the planets and the stars. I wonder if this would be good on a coffee cup…

April 04, 2024—Two weeks ago, I was thinking of a handful of dudes, and now I’m only thinking of one of them. It’s amazing how quickly we can move through spaces with people. The barometric pressure went down to 29.something and I could feel the aches, but that’s all I really need to say about it.

Learned: that between March 31, 2023 and today, April 04, 2024, I received 2,129 emails containing the word “Election;” that you can make an event for people, invite them, have a few RSVP, and still, you get what you get; that The Governors of Utah and Maryland are actually pretty cool.

Grateful: for the people who show up; having a friend whose job is to cook for me; for the many responsible people who I know do something a little selfless for themselves once in a while. 3.

Accomplished: 30-minute exercise session in the pool on Saturday; walked around San Francisco with a friend on Monday and had a good time talking and being in a beautiful city; changing the things that I say about myself, starting now, regarding my history as a disabled person.

Thinking about: who I want to be for people, with my quiet limitations and sometimes-silent intentions.

I am creating a world where people live in natural harmony. My stand is that all of our histories are acknowledged, accepted, and completed. The outcome is that our human family has learned well to listen and love deeply and freely. We have moved beyond our inclinations toward strife with renewed motivation and expanded capability to create our lives. Together, we have achieved the peace and sufficiency we needed and always knew was possible.

I like the sound of this very long one:
Stabat Mater ~ Arvo Pärt. Get a coffee and play it loud in the morning. It will move you.

Reading/Listening/Watching right now: It’s still pretty random at this point. I like the calming sound of a 1940’s film noir crime drama, or the high production of a recent Korean crime drama. Also, Her.

Seemings From Before that still seems:

NEW: like I have most of it handled, at least what I can see to handle…

A Quote About Reality :

“It is sometimes an appropriate response to reality to go insane.” 
~ Philip K. Dick

If you live in the city and can’t see the night sky, use AI…

March 14, 2023 – I’ve been working on this one for a while. I keep opening it up, changing the date, saying something about the day, and then getting distracted for many days. I have three aging tech tools to help me do all the things, and I seem to be keeping life managed. This is how my life has been going. I’m not sure what to eat. I think my sense of taste was altered somewhere along the way. I cannot taste spicy and chocolate tastes like waxy. I am a little too distracted, I would say… However:

Learned: That a cortisone shot to my left shoulder did the trick. That WordPress forces one to enable third party cookies to open the editor, which kind of pisses me off. That an old friend is now a certified Breathworker. That another old friend has a band called “The Music of Eyelids.” That another old friend is doing better now after having a pretty hard time. That old old friend died in her sleep.

There are things about Haiti that I agree with in this article.

Grateful: for other people being vulnerable and real; for reconnection with old friends; for having developed a personal Ecology of Practices that are written down so I won’t forget them. 3.

Accomplished: Rapid refinements for an 8-page brochure. Second encounter group session. Wrote a text I was putting off writing because it was probably going to end something rather than complete it, which made it harder to write. I am complete with it. Person wrote back. It was the same for him, and not the end. Better to be in communication.

Thinking about: FREEDOM and what I’ve been denying myself. The travel. The eating habits, and too much coffee. Guys named Joe, Ken, Andrew, and Eric. Joe, Ken and Andrew are real. I hope Eric is real. A guy named Benji who is very real.

I am creating a world where people live in natural harmony. My stand is that all of our histories are acknowledged, accepted, and completed. The outcome is that our human family has learned well to listen and love deeply and freely. We have moved beyond our inclinations toward strife with renewed motivation and expanded capability to create our lives. Together, we have achieved the peace and sufficiency we needed and always knew was possible.

I like the sound of this very short one:
Profondeur de L’ame – L’être Las: L’envers Du Miroir ~ Dark Sanctuary

Reading/Listening/Watching right now: It’s pretty random at this point.

Seemings From Before that still seems:

A Quote About Help :

“Dwowning people sometimes die fighting their rescuers.” 
~ Octavia E. Butler

Is a doodle enough? I am officially engaged in a meaningful and satisfying way with creating imagery with AI tools.

January 13, 2023 – I missed promoting a Heart Circle that was supposed to happen this morning on Emergent Commons. I was deliciously asleep when the calendar event was announced. I never even noticed it. I realized later that I had already rescheduled it, but never moved it in my calendar. Not noticing this feels messy, so I am spending time with my calendar this morning.

I will need to start waking up earlier, Tu-Fri. I am asking for a new schedule with CS so I can sleep on Monday and wake up, talk, and get to the pool on Tuesday and Wednesday. I need to clear out Thursday mornings for the exercise class. I must do this for myself. I need to go at least twice a week to help tone and strengthen. If I go through March, I can start looking for a yoga class… walking isn’t enough, as if I actually do it. I need to be a transformed version of myself, like the guy who said, “I’m not going to go down like this” and ended up in yoga for four years, seriously strong and probably kind of sexy. I MUST make my physical health a priority, now that I’m certain I can regain much capability.

My last post HERE is still important; it’s a crowdfunding drive for a friend’s surgery in Haiti. It’s fine to have created a future of possibility, but I cannot forget that it’s the critical actions that move us ALL closer to achieving the outcomes we need and desire! UPDATE: He got the surgery and is healing! He says it feels very scratchy, but having it done is life-changing! He needed something good to happen. He has had a rough run. It’s time to turn his life around much like it is time for me to do the same.

I’m reposting this next part here until I get it into my repertoire: It’s my new place to stand—for Haiti, the world, and myself. It’s not far from what I already created long ago, but it is closer to what I mean when I say peace, freedom, forgiveness, aliveness and unconditional love are always available.

I am creating a world where people live in natural harmony.

My stand is that all of our histories are acknowledged, accepted, and completed.

The outcome is that our human family has learned well to listen and love deeply and freely. We have moved beyond our inclinations toward strife with renewed motivation and expanded capability to create our lives. Together, we have achieved the peace and sufficiency we needed and always knew was possible.

Learned: (or am reminded): the structure of a .json file; that if I look away from my calendar and let it be a mess, my life is experienced as messy; that Nic can bake bread.

Grateful: (edited and reposted from last time) for the people who have it to give and do, for those who don’t have it to give and do anyway, for those who don’t and said so, for those who consider it—and may still be considering it—and to those who are in their own circumstances and are beyond considering such things (I’ve been there, too.); my healthy and thriving octogenarian parents; potential. 3.

Accomplished: not so much, but only compared to the so much that was accomplished in December. I took my foot off the gas. I floated freely in my messy calendar and didn’t always know what was next. I accomplished hiatus.

Thinking about: I keep seeing myself sitting and making artwork for the Print on Demand market, but seldom do it. I like playing the AI image-making game but it’s like gambling with $10 a month. Lots of ideas come from it, but little pay-off. I keep seeing myself sitting and working on files, needing a new computer, and being overly absorbed in the process, and yet I don’t really feel products rolling out. I need a game to make it happen.

I like the sound of this one:
https://open.spotify.com/track/77Xd7aikO9NRmzC6ISXIvY?si=219831600d864bd0

Riopy

Reading/Listening/Watching right now: Riopy, who just does piano, but very well… I watched the movie Cold Mountain last night. A well-constructed story. Still with Barbra Streisand and her book about her life and work. She reads the audiobook as if she is talking (generating from as opposed to reading out loud). It’s a divine experience. I said to myself, “I’m glad I’m alive during this time to experience such a gift.”

Seems: like the top priority for myself and my health is not really a priority.

Seemings From Before:

Ecology of Practices: MOVED TO HERE:

A Quote About Bees:

“The bee is more honored than other animals, not because she labors, but because she labors for others.” 
~ Saint John Chrysostom

I am officially engaged in a meaningful and satisfying way with creating imagery with AI tools.

December 31, 2023 – Phew! I took a break from blogging (writing here)starting in August and instead kept a simple journal for myself to keep the flow going, unedited, for my eyes only… but on this last day of 2023, I will say a few things that are with me now. (Posted January 3, 2024)

My last post HERE is still important; it’s a crowdfunding drive for a friend’s surgery in Haiti. It’s fine to have created a future of possibility, but I cannot forget that it’s the critical actions that move us ALL closer to achieving the outcomes we need and desire!

I’ve been tasked with creating a new place to stand—for Haiti, the world, and myself. It’s not far from what I already created long ago, but it is closer to what I mean when I say peace, freedom, forgiveness, aliveness and unconditional love are always available.

I am creating a world where people live in natural harmony.

My stand is that all of our pasts are acknowledged, accepted, and completed.

The outcome is that our human family has learned well to listen deeply and to love freely. We have moved beyond our inclinations toward strife with renewed motivation and expanded capability to create our lives. Together, we have achieved the peace and sufficiency we needed and always knew was possible.

Learned: (or am reminded): when I confront something “excruciating” by taking new actions, something will indeed happen that wasn’t going to happen on its own; I can be more outwardly loving for no reason except to acknowledge and communicate the importance of someone being in my life; I often disagree with the rewrites Grammarly offers. I like the way I say it.

Grateful: for the people who have it to give and did, for those who didn’t have it to give and did anyway, for those who didn’t and said so, for those who considered it and may still be considering it, and even to those who are in their own circumstances and are beyond considering such things (I’ve been there, too.); my healthy and thriving octogenarian parents; 3.

Accomplished: So much.

Thinking about: maybe it really is the constant pushing that makes us unwell, more than germs and viruses (but they do help pull us down to get some rest and care!;

I like the sound of this one:
https://open.spotify.com/track/2szMMv9faANs25EvpjKaL8?si=f88cd0c438164294

Reading/Listening/Watching right now: Barbra Streisand wrote a book about her life and work, and she reads the audiobook as if she is talking (generating from as opposed to reading out loud). It’s a divine experience. I said to myself, “I’m glad I’m alive during this time to experience such a gift.”

Seems: like I am not free – like I’m very not free… when I catch the hardship of another and feel powerless to do anything about it.

Seemings From Before:

Ecology of Practices: MOVED TO HERE:

A Quote About What is Hidden:

“The hidden harmony is better than the obvious.”
~ Heraclitus

December 18, 2023, updated December 23rd and again on December 27th, and again on the *31st!).

Hey there! Maybe it’s been a while since you heard much news about me or Haiti. I’m doing a lot better these days; Haiti isn’t.

But rather than go on about the turmoil happening in beautiful, gang-ridden Haiti, let me tell you about my friend, Junior, who has been dealing with more in one year than anyone should have to. It’s so much that I am leaving quite a bit out, at least for now.

In speaking with Junior, he is in full panic mode about losing vision in his right eye. Because I know about this—and can’t come up with the funds on my own—I am obliged to cause support for him. A small team of people, including me, could easily fund this.

Restoring one wonderful person’s vision and putting some cash back in his pocket could make a huge difference for him. For many of us, this can be made possible with a fairly insignificant chunk of generosity.

Can we make this work?

I squirm and resist asking people for money. I hate being in need so much that I keep figuring my life out so that I am sustained personally without having to talk to anyone about it, but I don’t have a lot left over.

I am calling in my angels and guides.

What’s so:

Junior needs surgery on his right eye, which has been developing a pterygium for several years and is now encroaching on his cornea. (See scary photo below). The surgery is available in Port-au-Prince by a doctor who already di his left eye. On top of it all, on Sunday, December 10th, he was severely beaten in the streets while running routine errands. He ended up in the hospital for two days, costing everything he had.

Photos show Junior and I in San Francisco in 2006, Junior and his son, Nathan, back in 2004, and finally, a little look at what is happening with his eye (and some scars on his nose and forehead from a separate incident).

The total we are raising is $2500. This total includes the eye surgery at $1750.00 (and that comes with a pair of glasses), helping restore him after his recent hospital bill of $650.00 U.S., and $100.00 for incidentals like transfer fees. (*Update as of the 31th of December: We’re closing in, but got stuck around 70% of the way there…)

This has been a heavy lift for me, worrying about my friend and figuring out how to fundraise after not doing it for many years. I hope you can help do this, and I completely understand if you can’t swing it now.

Can you help with this?

We humbly thank you for your consideration. If you are American, your financial support is tax deductible (if you care about that). Kledev still exists and has the right to fundraise even if it doesn’t have a board or a website! (If you would prefer to send a check, send me a note at claykilgore at kledev.org, and I will give you the address)

---

Background on who Junior is for me: I met Junior when he worked as a driver, guide, and interpreter for people visiting Haiti. It was his business. His clients were medical missions, election observers, international journalists, documentary filmmakers, and religious mission groups. I observed the Presidential election in Haiti in 2000. Junior was the interpreter for my group.

He has been a friend ever since, but also someone I rely on for information from the streets of Port-au-Prince. When we started Kledèv in 2006, Junior was one of the key community leaders who made things happen in Port-au-Prince.

I was his best man at his wedding in 2003, which made me his “parenn”—a kind of godfather of the marriage and a genuine part of the family in the Haitian tradition. We started our first venture back then, which would give parentless boys a way to earn a living selling small bags of frozen water to thirsty drivers at crossroads while being mentored by older people who had found their way in life.

Some of you may have met him in San Francisco or around Portland or Salem, Oregon. He visited twice in the early 00s. On one of those visits, he even did the Landmark Forum!

A lot has changed in 20 years. These days, Junior is in poor health, living with type 2 diabetes, which causes him to need medications to control blood sugar and pain from peripheral neuropathy. He sometimes goes without the medications he needs, not wanting to ask for too much.

That’s a quick background on him and a little on me. I’ve been “disabled” for a little over a decade now, doing quite a bit better than before, in an unstructured rehab, and I send as much as I can to help Junior with his meds and day-to-day needs.

I know engaging a team for what’s needed now would be most effective. As I said, I dislike asking—as if I should have a mountain of cash—but providing stress relief (mine and his), better vision, and improved health are possible sooner if we get together!

July 9 – 20, 2023 – It feels like a lot has been happening—so much work—and I don’t always feel up to it. Since the last submission, I cleaned the bathroom thoroughly, which took two full days, and included using the drill to scrub the tub (and it worked pretty well!). I also cleaned and touched up the “Room” so much that it was transformed into a seemingly clean and welcoming room. I had a camera dropped down my throat, and they knocked me out with Fentanyl—which left me with a horrible headache for a couple of days. But in spite of it, I continued to detail the place as best I could, with help, in the time I had allotted.

Learned: that I have hoarded cleaning products under the sink since the 90s, especially for carpet cleaning; that I can produce the energy to do many of the things I could not over the past ten years as long as I take ample breaks, but not every day; that a dear friend who had been kidnapped in Haiti has been released. Phew.

Grateful: that I have someone nice who has come to stay for a while and rent my spare room; that he is delightful and responsible; that I am off the hook for painting for a few days at least.

Accomplished: OMG, so much. Eight years of Spring Cleaning, new bathroom light fixtures, lamps and bedding for the Room. See list of accomplishments:

Thinking about: all the work I’ve done, as if I have been through something very hard; how frightening it is to be kidnapped at gunpoint by a gang in Haiti; being more open and intimate about life with the new flatmate without having it be about my past health problems; the center is located everywhere.

I like the sound of this one:

Reading/Listening/Watching right now: I’ve been listening to many musicians that I am not familiar with as I clean and paint, and I can hum a few new tunes, kind of like the above. Still finding comfort in mindlessly binge-watching “The Rookie” or “Good Trouble” on Hulu. I have been passing out before the end of things.

Seems: like no matter which endeavors I choose, I seem to add a level of complication nobody else would add for design’s sake; like some human-caused calamities are being considered acts of god, and some acts of God are being considered man-made.

Seemings From Before: like I need to be being a particular way that is invisible to me; upon realizing that “I am so loved,” it’s like I DON’T GO THERE; like I get thrown back, pulled back, or pushed back, even though I get there is no back; like low barometric pressure gives me extra inflammation; like there is now so much content churning out about every single thing that someone could be interested in that it is pressing my “just give up” button.

Ecology of Practices: MOVED TO HERE:

A Quote About Independence:

“What then is freedom? The power to live as one wishes.”
~Marcus Tullius Cicero