Tag: Journal

K: Daily Communication

Using similar words as yesterday produced this result. Example of MidJourney prompt used: photographic realism, beautiful Japanese males, youthful faces of wisdom and beauty, intricate craquelure patina, ultra-detailed, artwork by jean arp, otto dix blue-black lines, tempera painting on newsprint, drone-view, shallow focus, drama cinematic lights –no blur –ar 8:8 –testp (you can say whatever and it does what it does.)

Learned: Kiss Coffee in N.E. Portland, Oregon, is a great place for breakfast burritos. That the Barista-level oatmilk products may be delicious in coffee. That there are 96 million in the Chinese communist party, 70% are male. Gas prices in California are the highest in the nation, attributed to higher taxes and a “mystery” gasoline surcharge that is never fully addressed by policy makers. That my new friend Sanjeev loved the Academy of Science, and might become convinced to wear a nametag as a regular part of his regular outerwear. That I have been using the wrong online scheduler for my barber, Einstein.

3. Bougie juice stand close to home. 311.org. My ability to juggle quick items and manage. 3.

Seems: the problem of “gas prices” is cloudy and uninteresting. That info comes in and goes out without creating a permanent record. That as the political flyers pile up, what a poor source of information they are without researching their sources and what their ideas are. That I pass out with the TV on almost every evening; at least I am already in bed!

New Habit(s): from memory, non-dairy coffee (a 5-day success). Walk-a-block daily and take a photo while out there (3/4), I can’t remember the rest. Finishing this in the middle of the night. Oh! Doing this M-F journal entry is a new habit!

Accomplished: The back-to-back calls that were scheduled today, I was there for whether they happened or not. Made a mid-month transfer to the DR and didn’t feel like it was devastating.

Thinking about: How I need to pull it together for the Portland trip. How eating healthy with my new plan may be a struggle. That I probably need to come clean about my back-taxes with my father.

Video: if you haven’t already, the M.C. Escher doc from a couple of days ago…

Reading: Same things as before. No time for reading today.

K: Daily Communication

This person does not exist. I “created” this image in a Discord app called “MidJourney,” where you type words and “prompts,” and IT creates a picture. It’s fun and miraculous in many ways. Not satisfied with the alarmingly amazing rendering I received, I went in and did a wee bit of PhotoShopping to make him less jagged. I could spend longer, but I’m ready to move on.

Learned: Weird reversed-out caption option (above) I didn’t know I had. I can drink my coffee black three days in a row. Five people’s names from the neighborhood (Al, Ahmed, Chris, Lisa, Raquel). That I can throw together a quick roll dough with no idea if it will really work. 3+1.

Grateful for: Waking up early in the early fall; the light is perfect for contemplation. The ease with which I can crop screen grabs on the iPad. Possibility of celery, beet, pear, and ginger juice. 3.

Seems: that establishing oneself is a never-ending responsibility. That I would rather waste a LOT of flour than a bowl of soup. That I can’t get to all the communication, AND the new communication seems the easiest to get done. 3.

New Habits: walk-a-block daily (going outside, by the front door done two days, we’ll see about today…), Beets and celery juice (not yet started). Black coffee (day one is Oct. 11, 2022, so today is day 3), plant-based eating and drinking to de-fat the blood (if I can do the black coffee, I can do anything!) Journaling like this (newly, again). Instagramming as artist (not quite started, or there would be a link here).

Thinking about: 

1). Not wasting soup by making bread.

2). Really wanting to make a go of this plant-based idea, realizing I won’t get to it all at once due to cross-over pantry and investments in the new products. But Soy Curls tonight!

3). Packing for my trip to Oregon. I never seem to start until I have to. I’d like to start before I have to.

Worth it to View: 


Reading: “Parable of the Sower” by Octavia E. Butler. It’s not an especially good time, but engaging. I am getting it and enjoy thinking of the author as she crafted it.

Wildcard: I realize I have hop-scotched from format to format, but that’s the fun of it!

K: Daily Communication

Pain remedies taken tracker. I use PillPack for my prescription drugs, but the pain remedies I take are out of sync with the twice- and once-daily medications, so I made this simple checklist to use daily. Without it, every day looks the same. It still seems like I still take a lot of pills.

​Learned: That I can swipe a post from the past and get the caption style back that I like. That having collaborators here may be trickier than I think it will be. That I can think about becoming plant-based while enjoying a pile of porky dumplings! 3.

3+1: Day two of black coffee. “Slept again” this morning, until 10:30 a.m. People have hard conversations to have before they can move forward. I want to go for a walk, but ________. 3+1.

Seems: Like my new friend from “Buy Nothing” is also becoming a good accountability coach for getting me to take walks. Like this day has sped by. Like I have many animal-based items in the house tempting me to put off my new program. 3.

Three Old Questions:
“What if I made this Easy?”
“What about this is REHAB?”
“What if I made this Important?”

Carrying over from just before my brother died:
I am embracing the beauty of nature.

Thinking about: Radical changes actually being doable and worth it. Getting more rest at inconvenient times, as a cat might. My beautiful Tuesday Wizards. 3.

On-purpose ways of being: Smooth, curious, and alive, while forgiveness, peace, freedom, and unconditional love are in the background always.

Accomplished: Extra Sleep. 14-hour fast. Nic cooked vegan beans and rice for dinner.

Watched/Watching: The documentary “The Game Changer” has me convinced a plant-based diet will be my salvation. I am also watching “The Junior British Bake-off.” And the M.C. Escher one, below.

Reading: “Parable of the Sower” by Octavia E. Butler. If I ever write a book, I will put an initial between my first and last names. Clayton R. Kilgore?

A documentary worth watching:

K: Resuming Communication

“The Sea of Fog” Caspar David Friedrich, 1818. Image Source: images.fineartamerica.com via HERE. I have a minimalist friend who chose this image as his only artwork. Hmm.

Learned: I can drink my coffee black, which is still enjoyable. That I can get in a snit, forlorn and positional, entitled, cunty and self-righteous (on the inside), and come out of it with resolve, greet the world newly, and buy beautiful fruits and vegetables.

Grateful for: the undercurrent of human kindness that I believe is in us all, even in the seemingly cruelest. Corner shop with beautiful fruits and vege. The generosity I am, even when I am not.

Seems: Like I’ve been tricked, or I tricked myself into believing X; like I’ll never win my health game; like I need to “get out of it.”

New Habits: walk-a-block every day (going outside, by the front door), Beets and celery juice. Black coffee (day one is Oct. 11, 2022), plant-based eating and drinking to de-fat the blood (if I can do the black coffee, I can do anything!) Journaling like this (newly, again). Instagramming as artist.

Thinking about: Since it’s been a while, it’s fair to say I’ve been thinking about many things. The top three and most recent are:

1). how strange it is to have this mode of thinking “back” that resembles the pre-SSNRI times. Not as Zen an experience, but with more possibility than the accepting every moment as it was (since there was little I could do about it) way of life. It’s as if things could be important. And that maybe being healthy is possible by accepting drastic measures. I’m thinking about the past decade I’ve spent in a drug-induced stuckness. Not as manic as I was when the drug was wearing off. But a sadness, maybe from what I’m reading and from completing pleasurable habits like coffee with cream.

2). I have work to do. Habit work, mind work. The days will still wash over me, no matter what I choose.

3). Learning re-learning is troubling. I hope some habit-forming takes place that has me wordpressing and such with greater ease. I understand winging it with settings will mess things up.

Listen or View: (A link to a video, so others can see something they never would see or hear some music they wouldn’t find on their own.)

Reading? Parable of the Sower by Octavia E. Butler. I have a stack of books like I always have, but I am going to attempt a lifestyle of reading just one book at a time for the rest of my life. That will be new and way less scattered.

This book, a dystopian-future survival story set written in the 1980s about a time around now, is pretty saddening as a story. Now that I have access to emotions again, I am not sure I like the story, but I like the way it’s written, and since it’s an audiobook read by Lynne Thigpen, I am enjoying the performance even though my soul desires to live in a brighter world.

Wildcard: I felt physically nervous while waiting in line at Walgreens. Social distancing seems to be over.