“Chacun_son_tour” by Boris O’Klein – from an article foundhere. I grew up with this image – my parents have an ashtray…
Learned: A lot regarding drugs used in palliative care. Accu-Weather attempts to predict to the minute these days. How potholes occur. 3.
3+1: My funny little brother. Tugs on heart-strings. Side-by-side twin beds for three. My ability to accept unwanted outcomes without dread. 3+1.
Seems: Like Nature takes. Like I have turned away from dread with great interest. Like after a day of preparing to travel, the day of travel is exhausting. 3.
Three Questions:
“What if I made this Easy?”
“What about this is REHAB?”
“What if I made this Important?”
I am embracing the beauty of nature.
Thinking about: Waiting for something unwanted to happen with interest. My funny little brother. Tugs on heart-strings. 3.
On-purpose ways of being: Courageous, radical, confronting and enchanted with forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love in the background always.
Accomplished: Did what it took to leave home 10 days early to be with my brother in his final days. Got Amazon to do something about their messed-up delivery schedule.
Q for April: What did you do to generate fun today? My Answer: Answered MoR’s questions with entertaining answers, which she found fun, I think.
Watched/Watching: I was watching “Southland” and usually, the Rachel Maddow show. I am watching my brother’s breathing.
Reading: “Sovereignty” by Ryan Michler. It’s in the same vein as War of Art. I think it might be good for men in traditionally male roles. I am not, but get it.
“Girl with Potatoes” by Australian photographer Bill Gekas – from an article found here.
Learned: In Zen Hospice Project‘s workshop “Open Death Conversation: End of Life Contemplations,” I got how great I have been dealing with my “losses” and how to pre-accept whatever could be considered a loss by approaching it as letting go (not loss). NB had surgery on his foot yesterday and it’s a whole new world. Binah = intelligence. 3.
3+1: When doctors slow down and look closer. Generosity. The work of bees and bee-like work. My ability to embrace the beauty of nature. 3+1.
Seems: Like NB finally has the right doctors and oh, weird, one of them is from MY TEAM. Like I’m able to cook or shop more than I could over the years, but still, I need help. Like I’m about to go through a rebranding process and come out more strongly myself stronger than I am right now. Like I might be an intuitive, but probably not psychic or clairvoyant. 4.
Three Questions:
“What if I made this Easy?”
“What about this is REHAB?”
“What if I made this Important?”
I am embracing the beauty of nature.
Thinking about: Visiting NB at the hospital. My call with Slade Roberson, which was super beautiful. Taking some radical new actions. 3.
On-purpose ways of being (let ’em ride): Courageous, radical, confronting and enchanted with forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love in the background always.
Accomplished: Attended an online workshop about Death and loss meant to open up a dialog about one’s own demise to make available something other than the tragedy. Had a call with a good-natured intuitive; I want to/will do his program.
Watched/Watching: Started watching “Lucifer” which is cute but dumb. Also started “Southland” which is kind of gritty and hard to fall asleep to, which means it’s good.
Reading: “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield. Distinguishes resistance well, but not all of it aligns with how I choose to see the world. To each their own fantasy!
“Traversata della Siberia” by Antonio Ligabue (1899-1965). A film is being made of his life.
Learned: Much about Karpman’s Drama Triangle – victim, persecutor, rescuer stemming from the Transactional Analysis world of Eric Berne MD, author of “Games People Play: the Psychology of Human Relations.” How to prepare sweet pepper relish and roughly how to hot water bath process it (boil 15 mins). About this online workshop by Zen Hospice Project‘s Open Death Conversation: End of Life Contemplations, which I will be attending Saturday, March 24, 10:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. PDT. 3.
3+1: All the people who get up every day and move things. YouTube Learning. Rainy days where I don’t have to go out. My ability to accept whatever seems to be happening and not get sucked into drama. 3+1.
Seems: Like it is pretty easy to get hooked into a drama triangle and not even realize you’re in it. Like people around me are often in a drama triangle and I am always outside of it trying to interrupt. Like leaving a slightly more alpha message for the dental school radiology dept. could induce a call-back, but I’m not counting on it. 3.
The Three Questions:
Ask “What if I made this Easy?”
Ask “What about this is REHAB?”
Ask “What if I made this Important?”
Top Three Desirable Habits that want to strengthen:
✔︎ Upgrade: BE willing to do things differently than I think I can.
✔︎ Use LIFE as Rehab (like going with the flow).
✔︎ Embrace community; put self-care first. Note:If I AM a conversation, establish a way to remember that it’s still active. (Stage 2, remember/forget)
On-purpose ways of being (let ’em ride): Courageous, radical, confronting and enchanted with forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love in the background always.
Accomplished: Attended workshop on “Unlearning Racism.” Rearranged weekend plans and registered for Hospice workshop. Made Chili and two quiches. Cleaned veg crisper of all old items. Cut up a lot of peppers. Left a challenging message for the dental school radiology dept, in hope of triggering someone’s rescuer response.
By choosing up sides – this quality is good, and that one is bad – our tendency is to overuse our preferred qualities to the point that they eventually become liabilities.
Continuous hard work, for example, eventually turns into overwork and burnout. Intermittent renewal is the antidote. Too much confidence eventually becomes arrogance, and the balancing quality is humility.
To increase our capacity, we must become more wholly human, embracing and cultivating a broader range of qualities that help us better navigate an increasingly complex world.
Q: Not sure what to ask. How about, “Do you think that’s true? What seems true about it?”
A: I guess when I hear that “we must become more wholly human,” I sense what is meant is like “balanced” rather than wholly human. I feel wholly human when I can’t easily get out of bed, but very much out of balance and wanting to increase my capacity. But maybe it ain’t balance, I just hear balance from seemingly living life out-of-balance. More varied selections on the menu of being. If I keep using the same qualities and strengths that I think are good or that make me good, perhaps I’ll continue to get similar results in life that I have gotten from being the kind of machine I’ve been. So let’s see if alpha demander gets an appointment for dental x-rays.
Watched/Watching: Hulu’s “Casual” and not much else at the moment. I usually get about half an episode of the later-model “The Outer Limits” in before I fall asleep for the night. It’s good to have a show that attracts my sleeping.
Finished: “Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don’t Agree with or Like or Trust” by Adam Kahane. Ties in well with The Energy Project’s 5 Key ideas, although my memory for book learning seems foggy these days, so I might just be saying that.
Learned: Random, mostly visual info about Hobart, Tasmania. There’s a KQED podcast called “The Cooler” that’s kind of fun, and another non-KQED podcast called “Strange Bird” by Mona Chalabi. I’ve challenged by my old roommate TY to post on Facebook 10 days of highly influential music albums (cover art, no explanation) and to invite others to do so by tagging them in the posts. 3.
3+1: Improvement. Shamanistic therapies. Women getting into politics. My ability to hone. 3+1.
Seems: Like sleeping is more effective with CPAP, but still not completely therapeutic. Like I’ve been stingy and positional by not answering questions on Quora. Like Margaret Wheatley is going toward something like what I do, to endeavor to feel good, or as good as I can under the circumstances, while still doing something to improve circumstances for someone somewhere (in time, space, etc.). 3.
The Three Questions:
Ask “What if I made this Easy?”
Ask “What about this is REHAB?”
Ask “What if I made this Important?”
Top Three Desirable Habits that want to strengthen:
✔︎ Upgrade: BE willing to do things differently than I think I can.
✔︎ Use LIFE as Rehab (like going with the flow).
✔︎ Embrace community; put self-care first.
Note: If I AM a conversation, establish a way to remember that it’s still active. (Stage 2, remember/forget)
Thinking about: Changing up the format again. The constructs homo sapiens use to make it seem like they’re holding it all together. A trip to Western Union and the market. 3.
On-purpose ways of being, continued: Courageous, radical, confronting and enchanted with forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love in the background always.
Accomplished: Answered two Quora questions. Slept somewhat better with larger CPAP mask. Made dinner and ate it. 3. Bonus: Ordered sandpaper and pantry moth traps.
No single recipe or best practice is sufficient to manage a complex dynamic system. The key is to be aware of the interplay among the company’s multiple stakeholders, and the constantly changing personal dynamics between individuals. To maintain equilibrium and stability while also innovating and disrupting, it is necessary to address the system as an integrated whole, taking into account competing instincts without choosing up sides.
Q:If we saw life through the popular view that “everything happens for a reason,” for what reason did you just read (and comprehend) Key Idea 4?
A: Wow, I really didn’t want to read it, and when I re-read it, my brain seemed to go all thick and gooey. After writing that, I thought about reading it out loud to myself, which often over-engages my split attention enough to grasp something that went in muddled the first time. So I did that, and experienced my tongue as part of the thick, gooeyness of the idea. I was more noticing the gooeyness than paying attention to the words. I guess I could say the reason I read it was to notice what happens in my experience when I attempt to gloss over explained concepts that I could easily grasp if not mired in a conversation that there is thick goo between myself and the outside world.
Watched/Watching: Took a chance and listened to music instead. Reviewed a “Smiths” playlist; I used to relate to these songs, but lost my taste for them. Huge source of glum outsiderness! No longer feeling it, but remembered the pathetic feeling of being stuck in circumstances not of my own choosing. Later, I learned, but oy, the suffering. Also listened to an old fave, Portishead’s “Dummy.”
Will resume reading soon:“Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don’t Agree with or Like or Trust” by Adam Kahane. Will read again.
Learned: How I wanna make Shrimp & Grits. I have been putting the cart before the horse. The tobacco industry is starting to push candy-flavored cigarettes. 3.
3+1: My brother’s digestion. CPAP technology. Co-creating with magical creators. My ability to spiritually bypass and make freaky shit alright. 3+1.
Seems: Like having a CPAP machine a few years ago would have made a big difference. Like I’m getting pelted by countless email asking me to DO something and donate 3 dollars and I might want to make them all go away. Like $50 bills look counterfeit. 3.
The Three Questions:
Ask “What if I made this Easy?”
Ask “What about this is REHAB?”
Ask “What if I made this Important?”
Top Three Desirable Habits that want to strengthen:
✔︎ Upgrade: BE willing to do things differently than I think I can.
✔︎ Use LIFE as Rehab (like going with the flow).
✔︎ Embrace community while BY putting self-care first. (I owe nothing, they are there gladly, with or without me.)
Note: If you start a conversation, establish a way to remember that it’s still active. (Stage 2, remember/forget)
Thinking about: How one can’t easily see how they’re putting the cart before the horse on their own. Ever since the #METOO movement started, I’ve been pondering the question, “But what do we do with their art?” but not just of the molesters, but also of those who committed other infringements resulting in confederate statuary and Nazi sculpture, for example. 3.
On-purpose ways of being, continued: Courageous, radical, confronting and enchanted with forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love in the background always.
Accomplished: Got the Medi-Cal paperwork in the mail (always an accomplishment). Made it through another Standard Pacific Time Winter. De-pilled one throw pillow. 3.
Key Idea 3: You can’t change what you don’t notice.
The vast majority of our actions occur automatically, or in response to external stimuli. The more conscious we become of how we’re feeling and of the assumptions we’re making, the more we can make intentional choices about how we want to behave. Self-awareness allows us to be more authentic and effective in relationships with others, and helps us to be more effective at work, and to add more value in the world.
Q: What have you noticed recently about how you automatically operate that you knew would be good to upgrade but perhaps ignored? A: Well, seeing my life circumstances through the filter of “pestered, beleaguered and gripey” and indulging that. I also have been self-indulgent with less-than-wholesome foods and overly ample TV time. I have been locked in a struggle of putting the cart before the horse when it comes to resting and sleep. I spend energy while resting. I am self-indulgent. I ignore best practices.
Watched/Watching: “I Married an Angel” on TCM with Jeanette MacDonald and Nelson Eddy – these movies help me sleep. Also watched “Kramer v. Kramer” which I hadn’t seen since it came out. Terribly good, sad. The weekend Binge watch: “The Mist” plus the movie “The Cloverfield Paradox” on Netflix. Next: “Radius.” Rehab is hard!
WAS Reading: “Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don’t Agree with or Like or Trust” by Adam Kahane. Will read again.
“Les clochards sur les quais de la Seine” 1926 by Camille Bombois – it makes me a little crazy that the whole thing is on that angle.
Learned:IPVanish is way more reliable than wiredvpn/pritunl ever were. Landmark is about to test doing seminars online, but you cannot register, you must be selected. Things are moving with my brother. 3.
3+1: Access to smart, on-purpose healthcare. Having set myself up for a way to live if I couldn’t work. An easy day planned. My ability to get all peaceful. 3+1.
Seems: Like if I don’t give it all I’ve got, I’m doing it wrong. Like I have to dig for what I’m grateful as well as what I’ve learned. Like when I don’t manage something, it doesn’t get managed. 3.
The Three Questions:
Ask “What if I made this Easy?”
Ask “What about this is REHAB?”
Ask “What if I made this Important?”
Top Three Desirable Habits that want to strengthen:
✔︎ Do things you normally wouldn’t do (hey, this would be the opposite of a habit).
✔︎ Use LIFE as REHAB. (like cooking with help).
✔︎ Embrace community while BY putting self-care first. (A significant edit.) Note: If you start a conversation, establish a way to remember that it’s still active. (Maybe I don’t actively care?)
Thinking about: Rehab, and how I’m having a little trouble getting established. How much I don’t want to sleep with a CPAP machine. The delicious nap I’m going to have later after I do my errands. 3.
On-purpose ways of being: Courageous, radical, confronting and enchanted with forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love in the background always.
Default ways of being that aren’t much fun: pestered, beleaguered, gripey.
Accomplished: Since last I wrote, much has been accomplished, but mostly regular stuff, like laundry, shopping, and garbage out. 3.
Key Idea 2: Human beings are not machines. Rather, we’re designed to move rhythmically between spending and renewing energy. By doing so, we can get more done, in less time, at a higher level of quality, in a more sustainable way.
Q:If you were a machine, what would be your primary function? A:Primarily my function would be cleaning and restoring. One of my settings would be helping others clean up their messes and having them feel good about life starting from right here.
Watched/Watching: “The End of the F***ing World” on Netflix. Good. The 90th Oscar Awards. Had some good moments. “Imposters” on Netflix (lots of twists).
Reading:“Collaborating with the Enemy: How to Work with People You Don’t Agree with or Like or Trust” by Adam Kahane.
The boys of “Tekkon-Kinkreet” animated movie reviewed here.
Learned: Somebody has tested using guar gum instead of gelatin to encapsulate meds and in a couple of studies, they didn’t dissolve until the cap hit the colon. How to make Almond milk. A new mac n cheese recipe that my parents liked. Dario has a bad cold AND possibly jury duty. 4.
3. Kindness. Compassion. Refrigeration. 3.
Seems: Like DA’s sons are fortunate to be raised by such a badass magical unicorn and their mother, who is training them not to be assholes. Like I’ll need to rehab before I can start rehabbing again. Like I am forever being thrown off course as if that is a way of being! 3.
The Three Questions:
Ask “What if I made this Easy?”
Ask “What about this is REHAB?”
Ask “What if I made this Important?”
Top Three Desirable Habits that want to strengthen: ✔︎ Do things you normally wouldn’t do (these days).
✔︎ Use LIFE as REHAB. (likecooking with help).
✔︎ Embrace community while putting self-care first. (I enjoy being originated by a small circle.) (I don’t have to accomplish something amazing to be happy.) Note: If you start a conversation, establish a way to remember that it’s still active. (LIST? Look at LIST?)
Thinking about: Breakfast with DC at 9:30. Answering that question about how men with comps register. Seeing the while Tekkon-Kinkreet movie. The Plan once I return home. 3.
On-purpose ways of being: Courageous, radical, confronting and enchanted with forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love in the background always.
Interchangeable: Happy, satisfied, content.
Accomplished: I have sort of trained the new registrar to revise a form, even though he is doing a lot of it on his own. Was showered before 8:00 a.m. Identified and ordered a high-calorie product drink mix product to combine with the ground pumpkin, chia, sunflower, and flax seeds so my brother can stop losing weight, maybe start adding some. 3.
Key Idea 1: Four sources of energy fuel high performance. Human beings require four sources of energy to operate at their best: physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. All are necessary, none is sufficient by itself.
Q:Which sources of energy are high and which are low? A: How can one know? There’s probably a program to sign up for. I’d rate spiritual high, mental medium, emotionally stable and physical pretty low.
Collaged map of the U.S. by Colin Johnson from Reader’s Digest, as found here.
Learned: Billy Graham dead at 99. How to make a fake landline with a dial tone by using a Google Voice number with an Obihai adapter. About Intermittent Fasting (IF). 3.
Seems: Like Eli is saying most of the memorable things these days. Like we really can’t discuss specific topics as a family; it’s not just me. Like in the future, this period in U.S. History will be regarded as the time things got worse instead of better in the government, but it forced the citizenry to band together in new ways, so it was worth going through it. Like it would be worth it to go to “Black Panther” in the theatre not just for the film, but for the social aspect and audience reactions.
The Three Questions:
Ask “What if I made this Easy?”
Ask “What about this is REHAB?”
Ask “What if I made this Important?”
Top Three Desirable Habits that want to strengthen: ✔︎ Do things you normally wouldn’t do (since being “knocked down”).
✔︎ Use LIFE as REHAB. (likecleaning dishes, wiping counters, covering sleeping brother with blankets).
✔︎ Embrace community while putting self-care first. Note: If you start a conversation, establish a way to remember that it’s still active. (Calendar, reminders, obedience)
Thinking about: How if I ever make art that uses people, Caucasians will be never be represented as the only race, and how when I meet art that displays human figures, I object if they are all Caucasian. That I pull at my beard a lot and each time I do, one hair comes out. When I get creative, it usually involves buying something to do the project and the buying of it doesn’t guarantee the project will be completed. 3.
On-purpose ways of being: Courageous, radical, confronting and enchanted with forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love in the background always.
Accomplished: Nic is receiving his knee scooter today and all I did was cause it. Made Scrambled eggs, brother ate some, kept them down. Listened to WH Listening Session with high school students. 3.
Q: From what do you need relief?
A, for starters: Aches & pains that get through ibuprofen and serotonin numbing. Feeling like I should be doing something. Being in the same position propped up on my right elbow, typing with my left hand.
Watched/Watching: “The Meddler” with Susan Sarandon. “Bright” with Will Smith. Whatever my parents are watching is what I am watching!
I’ll mention if I read anything.
E and I are going to Black Panther Friday afternoon. I would have gone already, but theaters were sold out around here. Definitely a cultural event…
The data on intermittent fasting, at least when used to extend life, is quite inconclusive. Studied more thoroughly in animal models (esp’ly rats), the studies with humans are equivocal so far, and the mix on how much to eat when and for how long is very poorly understood, let alone verified. Just sayin’ – not trying to be a Debbie Downer. Other reasons to practice fasting, of course.
When I find it, I’ll send you guys a link to an interview with Meg Wheatley who says – my words – too late to save the environment. Start working on what comes next, closer to home. Truly fascinating.
PB
Have the courage of the here and now.
– Shriekback
Learned: My feet are in decent shape, come back in 6 months. DA’s foot is back to being messed up and, to his wife, it seems like that means something is bad about him. NB’s foot must be healing; he is now hopping around and going to the corner store for snacks. 3.
3. Distinguishing feeling pestered. Being human. Bagel shops. 3.
Seems: Like my brain tries to make a doing out of everything it thinks (see illustration, above). Like being antisocial is from avoiding identifying more reasons to feel pestered. Like NB will be okay while I’m gone and will regain ability to take care of himself. 3. Bonus: missed you guys today!
Three Questions:
Ask “What if I made this Easy?”
Ask “What about this is REHAB?”
Ask “What if I made this Important?”
Top Three Desirable Habits that want to strengthen:
✔︎ Do things you normally wouldn’t do (since being struck down).
✔︎ Use LIFE as REHAB. (Liketaking the bus past the normal stops to buy milk and more bagels).
✔︎ Embrace community while putting self-care first. Note: If you start a conversation, establish a way to remember that it’s still active. (Calendar, reminders, obedience)
Thinking about: Not needing to shop for much for the next few weeks. Hearing, “That guy should play Santa!” as I walk through the crowded outpatient waiting area at the hospital and not being bothered by it. Wondering if I’ll simply become Santa (tonton nwel). 3.
On-purpose ways of being: Courageous, radical and confronting with forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love in the background always.
Accomplished: Hung new lamp over stove. Bought a little more crypto since it’s still pretty low and being in the game is fun. Made “egg thing” and chili on Sunday. Functioning with many unwantable sensations, which seems like rehab. 4.
Q:(more of an exercise) I like a little industrial age in artwork. Show me some artwork you like!
Watched/Watching: “The Walking Dead” Season 8, Episode 1—7 and “Fear The Walking Dead” Season 4, most of the episodes. Don’t know what it is about these series that has me so interested, but I am an avid fan.
If I ever read again: “We Were Eight Years in Power – An American Tragedy” by Ta-Nehisi Coates, and “Hands of Life” by Julie Motz, “The President’s Hat” by Antoine Laurain
“The Pianist’s Birthday” by Gigi Mills. Oil, Paper, Crayon and Graphite on paper.
Learned: Possible origins of the idiom “The jig is up.” Up the hill in Noe Valley is a bagel shop with good salt bagels $1 each and a hottie working the counter. DA: There’s a discussion on the Marijuana Economy on the 1A Radio Program Weds, Feb 7 at 11:00 on KALW.org. 3.
3. Fibroscan instead of liver biopsy. Healthy, disease-free liver. The rest of the day off. 3.
Seems: Like propaganda always gets misused. Like just when I get a little extra _______, it gets swallowed up by some unforeseen circumstance. Like small talk about the weather is perfect when the weather is so unseasonably nice. Like writing in cursive is becoming one of those things of the past. 4.
Three Questions:
Ask “What if I made this Easy?”
Ask “What about this is REHAB?”
Ask “What if I made this Important?”
Top Three Desirable Habits that want to strengthen:
✔︎ Do things you normally wouldn’t do.
✔︎ Use LIFE as REHAB. (likewalking three blocks to buy two bagels).
✔︎ Embrace community while putting self-care first. Note: If you start a conversation, establish a way to remember that it’s still active. (Geez. Years go by.)
Thinking about: Dinner; what to do. How food security is the most stressful. How will NB fare while I’m away? 3.
On-purpose ways of being: Courageous, radical and confronting with forgiveness, peace, freedom and unconditional love in the background always.
Accomplished: Hung new shower liner and laundered new kitchen towels. Started building new game. Invested a small chunk in cryptocurrency when the market dropped on Monday. Made it to my Fibroscan appointment. 3.
Same Q as before: What are the benefits of a face-to-face meeting?
Nice answer from DA: Face-to-face meetings seem to be incredibly important in securing trust and closing deals. Seems anyone from this industry with more than 10 years under their belt comes from a legacy of face-to-face business deals and historical hesitation to use phones text or email as a mode of doing business. I can’t say any of my current friendships haven’t involved a face-to-face meeting.
Watched/Watching: “Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief” (Uma Thurman as Medusa) and “Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters” (Stanley Tucci as Dionysus). Kind of a random selection. Family/adolescent kid friendly if fantasy killing can be considered friendly. I would have loved the 2nd one if I was like 12.
May never finish reading: “We Were Eight Years in Power – An American Tragedy” by Ta-Nehisi Coates, and “Hands of Life” by Julie Motz.
Clay:
Your seeming about getting swallowed up reminded me of something I heard on NPR today about the Haitians tackling the taboo of gays in their country: “We have a saying in Haiti – if you make friends with the devil, he’ll eat you up; If you don’t make friends with the devil, he’ll eat you up.” Their version of damned if you do, damned if you don’t.
