Daily Communication

Learned: Holiday We are now on to the volume “H: Daily Communication.”

3. Reconfiguration. Holiday Baking. Nothing invented as a powerful place. 3.

Seems: Like people are different at retreats than in their regular, day-to-day lives. Like the areas to transform are actually more substantial than the obvious “health & well-being.” Like sometimes I make these up at the last minute, and they end up pointing to something worth looking at.

The Three Questions:
Ask “What if I made this Easy?”
Ask “What if I made this Important?”
Ask “What about this is REHAB?”

Habits:

▲ Do things you normally wouldn’t do ▲ Create Daily, regular reading time
▲ Have days where I don’t buy something ▲ Read this every day, modify and comment
▲ TRACK and Follow up on intended conversations ▲ Never wear uncomfortable shoes
▲ Don’t resist having your heart broken.
✔︎ Let go. Make it easy. <<<
▲ Lotion & ointment
✔︎ Seek out and pursue opportunities for TRUE REHAB.
✔︎ Find unseen self-portraits and feature them here.
✔︎ Look at what I wrote for new habits last time. Copy and paste if you can’t remember
✔︎ Look at Game, calendar daily. DON’T Miss even ONE DAY!
▲ Become good at money, numbers and investing just because you can.
✔︎ Have breakfast of what you feel hungry for.
✔︎ Continue to kneel during the National Anthem until the police are sorted.
✔︎ Communicate Clearly what the protest is about.
✔︎ Note: If you start a conversation, have a way to remember that it’s still active.
▲ Embrace community.
▲ Have MORE fun with pictures and words

Accomplished: Got the PC back up and running with Norton 360. Microphone works from front, but not back. Baked toffee bars, made Molasses Krinkles dough. Had Dutch Baby with Apple for breakfast.

Thinking about: Sleep has been strange and dreamful. I think running my own natural serotonin reuptake rate might be rehab. How cool it is to have created such freedom from the holidays. Acoustical foam. Better kitchen ceiling light.

Q: Who has the most info about you and what you want to be done should you suddenly die?

My Answer to yesterday’s: I was shaken to the core by this news story: https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/12/20/570777510/how-racism-may-cause-black-mothers-to-suffer-the-death-of-their-infants.

Video: https://vimeo.com/tamethebeast/rethinkpain

Reading: “We Were Eight Years in Power – An American Tragedy” by Ta-Nehisi Coates, “Hands of Life” by Julie Motz and “Echoes of My Soul”
by Robert K. Tanenbaum (my father’s kind of story.)

Learned: Some ointments work. MA is enrolled in the idea of coming to SF to study law. Brother still with it. I can shape shift, but it’s shifting from the past to the present shape, not the present shape to the future. Working on that. I am easily triggered to feel disappointed in romance but also get that I am the author of the stories that pop up. If I hurry, this is the [second to the] last “G: Daily Communication.”

3. Ability to make it Fun. Usher shining light on Colin K.’s Intention. Personal Holiday. 3.

Seems: Like if I show up as some kind of homo-erotic Santa, I could work this body. Like it would be dumb not to get into crypto-currency at some level, especially in accepting payment in Bitcoin. Like it’s time to go ahead and intrude, as opposed to being all courteous. Like days go by and with them go many of the stories one makes up in one’s head. Days later, like if I show up as some kind of homo-erotic Santa, I’d be dealing with shame. Like the NEWS is unbelievable.

Habits:

Ask “What if I made this Easy?”
Ask “What if I made this Important?”
Ask “What about this is REHAB?”
▲ Do things you wouldn’t do
▲ CREATE Daily, regular reading time
▲ Create a structure for having days where I don’t buy something.
▲ Read this every day, modify and comment.
▲ Follow up on intended conversations.
▲ Never wear uncomfortable shoes
✔︎ Let go. Make it easy. <<<
✔︎ Lotion & ointment
✔︎ Seek out and pursue opportunities for TRUE REHAB.
✔︎ Find unseen self-portraits and feature them here
✔︎ Look at what I wrote for new habits last time. Copy and paste if you can’t remember.
▲ Allow excitement.
✔︎ Look at Game, calendar daily. DON’T Miss even ONE DAY!
✔︎ Become good at money, numbers and investing just because you can.
✔︎ Have breakfast of what you feel hungry for.
✔︎ Continue to for the National Anthem until the police are sorted. Communicate Clearly what the protest is about.
✔︎ Note: If you start a conversation, have a way to remember that it’s still active.
✔︎ Embrace community
✔︎ Have fun with pictures and words

Accomplished: I took a nap for 1.5 hours. Ate lunch before nap. Had dinner. Updated to new PayPal Debit Card. Cut old card, put 1/2 of it in the trash. Obtained a few kitchen items from the long list. Restored the internal drive on laptop. Getting used to new phone. Got the 2017 donor list to MF. Slept 8+ hours, which almost never happens. Stopped in the space between “bad news” and making light of it, and well, that’s where the suffering lives.

Thinking about: Net Neutrality and how the only companies that can win are the ones who keep it the way it is now. The Bitcoin crypto-currency craze/movement. How storage cube stools with cushy lids could hide a lot of indecision. Some of the core things Werner Erhardt says like it’s all made up.

Q: When and what was the last thing that kind of woke you up and shook you to your core?

My Answer: Nothing new has shook me to the core.

Video: https://vimeo.com/91542638

Reading: “We Were Eight Years in Power – An American Tragedy” by Ta-Nehisi Coates, “Hands of Life” by Julie Motz.

Learned: Netflix has a series that my father might like called “Godless.” He would be surprised that the cast is all woman. About how much is a knob of butter. DA wants his tombstone to say “This wasn’t on the list.” Margaret Cho is 49. Today is Cocoa Day.

3. A clever baker. Rituals. Seborrheic Dermatitis Cream. 3.

Seems: Like when I stay on my own a lot, what I forget how much I love people. Like people love it when they spot an opportunity to talk about their pets. Like around this time of year, the weather feels stale if it’s too nice. Like African Americans in Alabama have spoken. Like so much is happening, it can’t all be recorded.

Altering Habit(s):

✔︎ Let go, make it easy.
⚠︎ Make it important.
✔︎ Seek out and pursue opportunities for TRUE REHAB.
⚠︎ CREATE Daily, regular reading time
✔︎ Allow excitement.
✔︎ Look at Game, calendar daily. DON’T Miss even ONE DAY! (I need to work on this one)
✔︎ Have breakfast of what you feel hungry for.
✔︎ Continue to for the National Anthem until the police are sorted. Communicate Clearly what the protest is about.
✔︎ Let go for now: Get in touch with Colin K for an “is it working?/what’s next?” inquiry.
⚠︎ Create a structure for having days where I don’t buy something.
✔︎ Look at what I wrote for new habits last time. Copy and paste if you can’t remember.
⚠︎ Read this every day, modify and comment.
✔︎ Note: If you start a conversation, have a way to remember that it’s still active.
⚠︎ Follow up on intended conversations.
✔︎ Embrace community
⚠︎ Never wear uncomfortable shoes
✔︎ Have fun with pictures and words
✔︎ Find unseen self-portraits and feature them here

Accomplished: I did a little performance in which I asked the audience to yell out the name of their cats. It was tremendous! I felt that cats would come running. I met a new friend, initials JS. We have stuff in common. Retreat was therapeutic. I’m adding “beautification” to my rehab game. It’s probably what I mean anyway.

Thinking about: How long it’s been since I sent one of these out. How forward I’m looking to the end of being the registrar. Constructing a different life than I thought I was going to have that isn’t so defined by being exhausted.

Q: When and what was the last thing that kind of woke you up and shook you to your core?

My Answer: Hearing from a friend about his brother who had esophageal cancer and how that all went.

Video: https://vimeo.com/135051328

Reading: “We Were Eight Years in Power – An American Tragedy” by Ta-Nehisi Coates, “Hands of Life” by Julie Motz.

Learned: The NFL offered millions to charities of the players’ choice IF they discontinued the Anthem protest. Tax cut happening, so in the world of opportunity, time to get rich and form corporations. Inheritance less taxed in six years. LL Cool-J is 49. Q-Tip is the Artistic Director at the Kennedy Center.

3. The courage of others. People who do the menial jobs. Self-portraits. 3.

Seems: Like the NFL blew it by offering $, now even if the players were willing to end the anthem protest, they can’t without looking like they’re giving in. After four years of structuring event registration in CiviCRM, it seems like there’s still a lot I don’t know. Like the inheritance tax law change not taking effect for six years is especially strange or I just don’t get it. Like people need you to reach out to them.

Altering Habit(s):

Let go, make it easy.
Seek out and pursue opportunities for TRUE REHAB.
CREATE Daily, regular reading time
Allow excitement.
Look at Game, calendar daily. DON’T Miss even ONE DAY! (I need to work on this one)
Have breakfast of what you feel hungry for.
Continue to for the National Anthem until the police are sorted. Communicate Clearly what the protest is about.

Let go for now: Get in touch with Colin K for an “is it working?/what’s next?” inquiry.
Create a structure for having days where I don’t buy something.

Look at what I wrote for new habits last time. Copy and paste if you can’t remember.

Read this every day, modify and comment.
Note: If you start a conversation, have a way to remember that it’s still active.
Follow up on intended conversations.

• Embrace community
• Never wear uncomfortable shoes
• Have fun with pictures and words
• Find unseen self-portraits and feature them here

Accomplished: Read chunks of Tax Reform. Talked/listened to young RR, he needed it. Gave him “bring peace to it.” Built 95% of the annual members’ meeting registration. Set up VO station (mostly) including new power supply. Spent some nice moments reviewing some of the work of a very good man.

Thinking about: LL Cool J: Artist. Super proud of him.

Q: Did you own any of LL Cool J’s music?

My Answer: I have a cassette of the album that has “Knock You Out” on it. I would drive around Portland, Oregon in my little red convertible playing that tape really loud, if memory serves. When I would try to rap, I would imagine myself living in his body.

Video: https://youtu.be/gJMrm8uVi40 bonus: https://vimeo.com/2028021

Reading: “We Were Eight Years in Power – An American Tragedy” by Ta-Nehisi Coates.

Learned: Medicare may start costing more for some of my drugs. All of my cards are now the “simply tap” kind and I don’t really approve. Those spikey nervous-system episodes are waking me up again. 3.

3. The abundance of photography. Tantalizing leftovers. Responding to the tweets of the  President of the United States. 3.

Seems: Like stress dreams occurring in the Portland House on 3rd Avenue are getting more stressful. Like Carpet Cleaning will be part of my Rehab Game. Like pastry is a cruel invention. 3.

Altering Habit(s):

Continue letting go (to make it easy), especially of significance and anxiety. Also, consider well before just letting go.
Seek out opportunities for TRUE REHAB. Write them down. Pursue.
CREATE Daily reading time (Still too random)
Allow excitement.
Look at Game, calendar daily. DON’T Miss even ONE DAY! (I need to work on this one)
Have breakfast of what you feel hungry for.
Kneel for the National Anthem until the police are sorted, even if it’s ineffective.

CHANGE: Get in touch with Colin K for an “is it working?/what’s next?” inquiry.

Have days where I don’t buy something. PLEASE! End of month easiest.
(Recognize online shopping is not of pure necessity.)
Look at what I wrote for new habits last time. Copy and paste if you can’t remember.
Read this every day, modify and comment.
Note: If you start a conversation, have a way to remember that it’s still active. Follow up on intended conversations.

• Embrace community
• Never wear uncomfortable shoes
• Have fun with pictures and words

Accomplished: Tested oxygen-based cleaner on a dirty strip of carpet, worked pretty good. Vacuumed hallway in prep for carpet cleaning.

Thinking about: British-style Baking. Frangipane. Bake-well tarts. The filling in Bear-claws. Cheese Danish. Many people can see lying and crazy, right?

Q: Of all of the things on today’s TO-DO list, which three things will be complete by the next sunset?

My Answer: I do what HAS TO be done, but also wish to do what wants to be done. I am not reliable for completing anything that needs to be done.

Video: https://youtu.be/WeyLEe1T0yo bonus: https://youtu.be/b9IvZJiaNxU (for relaxing)

STILL Reading: “Running on Empty” by Jonice Webb, Ph.D. (almost done) and “The ACA Handbook” — might better good in print for the exercises.

Learned: There is no right or wrong to your likes and dislikes, they are what they are. Blue screen light inhibits natural melatonin production.

3. Half-bare trees with impossibly bright yellow leaves. Baking. The results of attempts. 3.

Seems: Like I’m interested in getting better, but believe my brain/body isn’t going to comply. I am not allowed to enjoy life unless I produce something. Like if I am compulsive, that it is expressed mostly by having ideas that I could do and feeling pretty sure I can do them. Like I am missing out on something special by not shopping the sales. Like Amazon is becoming one of the bad guys and I don’t know how to do it without them.

Altering Habit(s):

Continue letting go (to make it easy), especially of significance and anxiety. Also, consider well before just letting go.
Seek out opportunities for TRUE REHAB. Write them down.
Look at what I wrote for new habits last time. Copy and paste if you can’t remember.
Allow excitement.
Look at Game, calendar daily. DON’T Miss ONE DAY! (I need to work on this one)
Have breakfast. (taking ground)
CREATE Daily reading time (Still too random)
Kneel for the National Anthem until the police are sorted.

CHANGE: Get in touch with Colin K for an “is it working?/what’s next?” inquiry.

Have days where I don’t buy something. PLEASE! (Progress: No black Friday purchasing)
(Recognize online shopping is a habit, not a pure necessity.)
Read this every day, and comment.

Note: If you start a conversation, have a way to remember that it’s still active.

Accomplished: Forgot to accomplish. Actually rested.

Thinking about: How to chip away at the very tough shell that still seems to be there, so to speak.

Q: Of all of the things on your list, which three things will be complete by the next sunset?

Video: https://vimeo.com/241007433 bonus: https://youtu.be/WMVS_ipIdiQ

Reading: “Running on Empty” by Jonice Webb, Ph.D. (I keep falling asleep) and “The ACA Handbook” — probably would be better as an analog experience.

Learned: That there are all these beautiful copyright-free images available through the Biodiversity Heritage Library. I can now see how to do the coloring book pages. Very young people have immediate concerns and are dealing with things in the same way adults are. How can we forget that? RJG looking at T2 Feb 2018. Puerto Rico is still a mess, but the hurricane was very destructive. Job sharing partner-matching is becoming a thing in Germany; Tepa is the name of one of the founders of a start-up to address it. KS will want to know about it. Ichthyology is the branch of zoology that deals with fishes. Next full moon Dec. 3rd. Many Haitians in Marin are facing repatriation as are 10s of thousands in the U.S.

3. Freedom from holiday obligations. The fun of serendipity. Being a compassionate anti-racist activist. 3.

Seems: like now I need new internal SSD drive for laptop, the one in there won’t upgrade and will no longer boot. Like I expect people who said they would do something to change their minds, to not come through, to leave me holding the bag.

New habits: (or undo habits): Go look ’em up. Don’t eat sugars. Do eat salads. Stand for the future of people gaining compassion and understanding for their fellow man. Be grateful and thankful. Interrupt ugly patterns.

Accomplished: I masked a fish drawing from the late 1700s. (See above) What’s news about that is that it was strictly for pleasure. Not a job. Sort of upgraded to High Sierra.
Did a video skype with DA. Charming offspring. Started difficult conversation with cousin on FB. Spoke mind in another that suggested Alabama Judge Moore is not the only person in the south with such proclivities and stuff we call ugly and illegal happens right in the very homes of the voters.

Q: With all that you’ve learned and all that’s transformed, what’s that thing that just keeps nagging as “Should be better?”

My Answer: Emotional attachment to childish food choices.

Video: Much detail to notice and ponder in this bleak, dark, short film. https://vimeo.com/241803479 I find these dark futuristic creations interesting as art. Not the future I’m creating!

Reading: Paused Audible for three months to catch up. Not often this officially behind in reading.

Learned: That PB had a 20-year medical career which included helping shave and stitch up head wounds inflicted by the Stockton Police Force. DA is off to LV to be reunited with a stretchy white tablecloth. It’s ShichiGoSan (was) on the 15th, Japanese 7-5-3 festival for children.

3. The last week of my being the registrar for CMG gatherings. The strange boycotting habits of the American Alt-right. My personal chef and his delicious creations. 3.

Seems: Like if the question has numbers, I can come up with several answers and not really know if any are correct. Like when dinner is being prepared, I look for ways to spoil my appetite. Like I will completely retire from the CMG Board and possibly not even go to the last meeting. Like I’m creating some kinda anti-climactic dud that will land with a thud. Like DA is fired up/empowered to make his biz event an amazing experience. Like I need to be careful with spending.

Altering Habit(s): I missed a few days. My mind is a blank; I will have to copy and paste.

• Continue answering the question “What if I made this easy?”
• Let go of significance and anxiety.
• Seek out opportunities for TRUE REHAB. (Take advantage of colon cleanse.)
• Look at what I wrote for new habits last time.
• Copy and paste if you can’t remember.
• Allow excitement.
• Look at Game, calendar daily. DON’T Miss even ONE DAY! (I need to work on this one)
• Have breakfast. (I need to work on this one)
• CREATE Daily reading time PLEASE!
• Kneel for the National Anthem until the police are sorted.
• Have days where I don’t buy something. PLEASE!
• (Recognize online shopping is a habit, not a pure necessity.)
• Read this every day, and comment.

Accomplished: Self-prepared Dinner included green things. Found my game, opened it, was amazed how incomplete it was. Stopped by the room at ZSFGH where they have the wellness classes, got link to schedule. Sent notes to all the Pay Laters, only one now at risk of becoming a no-show. New water bottle in play after seven years of the last one (gasket broke, company seems to have retooled.) And more.

Thinking about: I am SO ready for this registrar gig to be over. I can feel myself not doing a very thorough job, but pulling for the men who are going to have an amazing experience.

Q: I need to think of another. I’m flat-lining. Hiatus required!

My Answer to yesterday’s: Which was “What is a song u learned that you had botched the lyrics of for years?” see video

Video: https://youtu.be/tjysDwoFv3s (and here’s one for the boys: KICK YOUR BUTT)

Reading: Too many things to really make any real sense if it, plus looking at which book to give away to the mini library dude.

Happy ShichiGoSan in Tokyo town!

Today (and yesterday), I go off-format, just because I can.

Learned: People right here in the U.S. live completely differently than I/we do and might even be surprised that we don’t know it. SS, my sister artist, is currently employed as an anti-racist activist, social practice gallery director. TC got low, so I helped.

The stuff DA captures that his kids say is gold, especially when he adds his and their mother’s lines. Reminds of Dennis the Menace. “Dispel” became word of the day for me and wrote the following as an affirmation to one of mine who needs to limit dabbling in the morass.

Leave all doubt under your pillow; your future clients are counting on you. The future you’re creating requires you to be a conversation for possibility. You have the training and the practice. Insist on being who you say you are. Dispel all doubt.

Rarely do I quote myself, but take the “me” out and I am simply sourcing source. I said that, and that, too, is sourcing source!

The voice of PB is a welcomed voice inside my head. I can see him sitting down next to homeless people in a soup kitchen, enrolling them in something being possible. I love hearing about GG. Seems like I’m angry that white people haven’t let the civil rights movement work yet when they’ve had ample time. My attempts at making new habits seem easier when I stop the daily grading myself on them.

Colonoscopy: The preparation was challenging, but “It went down.” Had I been a young hot-to-trot straight guy it might have been humiliating with all the super-lovely young women on the team. I fully expected it to be a complete torture, but the drugs knocked me out before they started the truly harrowing part. I also expected to wake up to some kind of situation to deal with, like cancer or a rare condition that made me eligible for a 5-year study if I gave up the prednisone. What I woke up to was to one male doctor wrestling with the tubes like it was a sea monster, saying, “I think I need him on his stomach.” If I were a straight man, it might have been humiliating. I said I heard that and painstakingly rolled my drugged body over. The situation felt distantly familiar. I heard the male doctor say, “This guy has the longest colon I’ve ever seen!” If I was a straight guy… but it was actually a moment of amazing freedom and pride. The result is that it all looked good and I don’t need to go back for ten years! No side-by-side chemo with my brother; no colostomy bag! I wonder how I’ll work this bit of good news into my next online dating profile.

Q: Ask me one.

Video: [This 10-minute film contains content that may be sensitive to some viewers, but it’s real.] https://vimeo.com/topicstories/rabbit-hunt

Other media: “Halt & Catch Fire” on Netflix

Learned: Today is/was Patti Page Day. Today is/was also Cappucino Day. I had none. Fasting is easy, but the gluck you must drink before a colonoscopy is tortuous, and I’m not even half-way through. A transgender woman, Danica Roem, defeated a homophobic incumbent Virginia lawmaker who sponsored a bill that would have restricted which bathrooms she could use. Virginia govt. also swung very left winning at least 15 seats in the legislature, 11 of them women. 90 democratic candidates ran in this election in Virginia, all people who ran for the first time. Inspiring.

3. Nothing big has blown up yet. The Taboo of Poo. Lovely human superpowers. 3.

Seems: Like I may have lost my knack for baking, but I’m still pretty skilled at getting the frosting color just right. Like red states are fun to watch turn blue. Like I enjoy seeing assholes get punished too much. Seems crazy to have to fast when there are TWO cakes in the house.

Altering Habit(s):

Continue answering the question “What if I made this easy?”
Let go of significance and anxiety.
Seek out opportunities for TRUE REHAB. (Take advantage of colon cleanse.)
Look at what I wrote for new habits last time.
Copy and paste if you can’t remember.
Allow excitement.
Look at Game, calendar daily. DON’T Miss even ONE DAY! (I need to work on this one)
Have breakfast. (I need to work on this one)
CREATE Daily reading time
Kneel for the National Anthem until the police are sorted.
Have days where I don’t buy something. PLEASE!
(Recognize online shopping is a habit, not a pure necessity.)
Read this every day, and comment.

Accomplished: The Cake(s), The Fast, the Dishes, and the first Giant Pitcher of Gluck. Cleaned the bathtub, which was surprisingly difficult and ineffective. Answered a few emails.

Thinking about: Getting through the next several hours until the colonoscopy is over. Waking up at 4:30 a.m to drink another pitcher of gluck by 6:15 a.m. Taking a pill to go to sleep early.

Q: Hmm… Let’s skip it today.

Answer to yesterday’s: Ultimately, to be at peace with whatever IT is.

Video: https://youtu.be/7WswuDLsVJQ +bonus https://vimeo.com/52458028

Reading: “Running on Empty” by Jonice Webb, PhD, and “The ACA Handbook” — the stuff of nightmares.

On hold:
“Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America” by Ibram X. Kendi
“A Wall Between” by Anne Braden
“We Were Eight Years in Power: An American Tragedy” by Ta-Nehisi Coates.