Learned: Did I learn anything? JR’s BF is from back east and can build decks. Taking Airborne® helps, but it’s no miracle cure. The decrease of my serotonin drugs leaves me stuttering a little, and maybe involuntarily “voicing.” After all that fuss, LG isn’t coming to the Fall Gathering. On Twitter, Daniel Franzese’s @RealItalianMom said, “Thank you, sweetie, God bless you” in response to my acknowledgment, which was as heart-warming as it gets. That I have several ACA-type indicators, altered by my Landmark program memory. You mustn’t take ibuprofen the week of your colonoscopy. That the U.S. is globally thought to be among the worst of the menacing countries, right up there with Afganistan, Israel, North Korea and Saudi Arabia.
3. The End of Daylight Savings Time. Triggers. Forgiveness. 3.
Seems: Like I say things about how my health seems, yet rarely do anything different about it. Like with some people, there’s just no point in further attempts. Like I’m a big NO to staring anything cyclical these days. Like I wouldn’t stay with any kind of 12-step program, so starting one is unlikely. Seems like I don’t need a deep program, but I’m curious to find if I am as numbed out as I have always felt I am. Like I’m searching for answers but have unclear questions. Like people don’t get terrorism when it’s delivered by a white body. (Something must have gone wrong!) Like the only way to end the crazy gun massacres in the future is to put down some heavy background check laws, semi-automatic weapon restrictions, and stop being bullied by gun lobbies and their pet politicians. It may also help if we stop supplying 33% of the weapons to countries ruled by dictators.
Altering Habit(s):
Continue letting go (to make it easy), especially of significance and anxiety. Also, consider well before just letting go.
Seek out opportunities for TRUE REHAB.
Look at what I wrote for new habits last time.
Copy and paste if you can’t remember.
Allow excitement.
Look at Game, calendar daily. DON’T Miss even ONE DAY! (I need to work on this one)
Have breakfast. (I need to work on this one)
CREATE Daily reading time
Kneel for the National Anthem until the police are sorted.
Have days where I don’t buy something. PLEASE!
(Recognize online shopping is a habit, not a pure necessity.)
Read this every day, and comment.
Accomplished: Another grocery order made and delivered since the first was insufficient. Planning AND shopping done for NB’s birthday, hope he doesn’t have to bake his own damn cake! More rearranging of hoarded items, yet nothing jettisoned. Dreaming is back, and slightly uncomfortable. May start closing my door to sleep lest I start voicing parts of the dream.
Thinking about: How I’m going to make it through the week without ibuprofen. Fasting all day on Wednesday and drinking gluck for colonoscopy. What it would be like to be so crazy that I’d go into a small-town church and just wipe a bunch of people out. Not sure I can relate. Can more empathize with the survivors. PTSD.
Q: Hmm… If you had everything you needed and everything you wanted, what would you need and want then?
Video: https://vimeo.com/240130084 +bonus https://vimeo.com/thelostavocado/lostinrotterdam
Reading: “Running on Empty” by Jonice Webb, Ph.D., and “The ACA Handbook” — the stuff of nightmares.
On hold: “Stamped from the Beginning: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America” by Ibram X. Kendi, and “A Wall Between” by Anne Braden, and soon will listen to “We Were Eight Years in Power: An American Tragedy” by Ta-Nehisi Coates. Also reviewing “A Thousand Words for Joy” by Byron Katie.