October 22, 2022
Here is a brief summary to let you know where I’m at:
I haven’t made a biographical update for a while, but I need to. In the past few months, I’ve tapered off and gotten clear of the mind-body-altering drug I was given for my weird leg pains back around 2011. It worked for the legs and feet, plus it had the added benefit of making it easy to watch surgeries and horror films, something I could never do before.
For a decade plus, I just took Effexor and didn’t question. For eight of those years, extreme fatigue was my biggest problem, but I learned to manage life without much use of my body. I accepted my new status as a disabled person. I didn’t realize that I was in a bubble that included dulled emotion, intuition, compassion, libido, empathy, and motivation. No wonder it was so hard to make changes! I had to think stuff up with that saran-wrapped head and then get the sluggish body to do them!
Drugs that offer any desirable benefits are tricky to get free of. I have needed, at times, to lead myself away from many substances, prescribed and otherwise, including cigs and booze. I understand how the world seems messed up when so many of us don’t have the apparent strength to survive without “alteration” or to function and cope when things [like unwellness] fall in our path.
I’m going toward health and longevity now. At 61, I am 70ish lbs. overweight and fairly weak, unsteady on my feet, and can’t go too far. I need some-learn things like driving and cooking. It seemed like it was game over for so long; I can’t believe I’m still here to say it. Time to go toward living well!
October 9, 2022
Well, it took quite a while for me to gather the brain space to accomplish what I’ve accomplished, but I’ve done it! I have moved out of the restrictive-unless-you-pay wordpress.com and have arrived here at iBrave.io hosting, which I bought back in 2019! What a long pandemic it’s been!
More updating soon to come!
March 20, 2020
Go below for what I previously said. Could be biographical.
Oh geez, here we go with another bio-attempt.
Oh well, here goes:
Update March 20, 2020: As a functional member of the operation of California Men’s Gatherings, a nonprofit that puts on programs called Gatherings for men, I was incredibly busy writing, emailing, and posting our Covid-19 response about canceling the Spring event, creating and inviting core members to a test program on Zoom. It worked pretty well, and I can see us rolling out in many directions if those who are brave enough to host their own Heart Circles and Rap sessions step forward. I can make a tutorial, but I will need to practice setting them up a few times before I can speak it.
We are under a “Shelter in Place” order from the city and state govt. here in California. I think it’s the most responsible course of action, given the ease of transmission from person to person. I don’t need to catch this virus. For me, it’s a lot like the life I have already been living. It is harder to get delivery since everyone is trying to get it. I fear running out of cream for my coffee. I might be a little numb to the crisis of it. I guess I just can’t. I have been in the house for 17 days already, and that’s not even record-breaking.
From January 2019: I have most recently (January 4, 2019) been involved in 1.) setting up a little studio table for making little paintings with three fun little cat head images started; 2.) fearlessly developing myself as a highly-sensitive psychic empath who can do intuitive readings for people who believe in that kind of thing; 3.) radically redesigning my nutritional landscape to one that may alleviate the bothersome and dangerous symptoms of chronically poor health and insulin resistance (sugary blood, type 2 diabetes), and; 4.) having a holiday from my normal routine.
I often think of putting my story up somewhere so that in case anyone wants to know about me/my life, they can get that in a succinct way without it floating around for a few seconds on social media. So instead, it’s this blog. It’s part of a game from a while ago, now more of a journal of some specific things I want to track and share. I have a few partners who play games with me; it’s with them I share my life, usually with weekly or daily calls, but also here. I’m super grateful for these relationships. The love is palpable. Thanks, yous guys; you know who you are.
1.) Little Studio Table
Update March 20, 2020: A little over a year ago, I did the game that had me get it together to do a few paintings of catheads, just to see if I could. It was fun but also painful to sit up in a chair. The result was about 19 total images, not all great, but some pretty fun. I thought about selling, but might rather put the images on coffee cups and maybe magnets or something like that. I like having the paintings. Now that I have a wee bit more stamina, I might do another painting challenge, but I have so many paintings with no plan for what to do with them. I like sitting at the studio table for the kind of work I like to do sitting up.
From January 2019: I have no pets but had a cat named Dagmar in the ’80s. She lived into the ’90s, but I had moved to San Francisco and left her behind to enjoy her life as she pleased with the roommate who remained in the house I used to live in Portland, OR. So one could say I am a cat person without sharing my home with cats. I like a lot of things about cats, and do love to do caricatures of them for practice. Here are three from yesterday:
2.) Highly-Sensitive Psychic Empath
Update March 21, 2020: I haven’t done much with this formally. If I did it as a job, I would be exhausted. It takes a lot of energy to do the process. I can get, though, that my listening does hear an extra stream of information that isn’t part of the regular [sound-processing] maneuver. I have an appreciator in Canada who is a medium. I am glad to have distinguished the extra layer. I regard it as trusting myself to pull whatever is there out that is to become a part of the current conversation.
I also have subscribed to be a member of “Medium.com” Good reading, possible writing. We’ll see. I like to collect containers.
From January 2019: Let’s just say I’ve always felt a little funny about this subject. When “The Sixth Sense” with Gary Collins was on TV in the early ’70s, I was 10 or 11 and very interested in psychic phenomena as well as the occult, witchcraft, and mental illness. I’m probably on a list somewhere due to the kinds of books I checked out at the Lake Oswego Public Library as a child! I knew there was something to it, and it always seemed important to listen to people to understand the things they were not saying, and I often felt I had something to tell others that they might like to know. I didn’t really think this could be considered crazy, but I didn’t want to draw unwanted attention so never really did much with it. I wondered if that was just what everyone did, and I guess I still believe they probably do.
Over the past several years, I’ve been looking at myself from different views and inventing possible lives (e.g., as an enlightened shopping-center Santa) that I’d be unlikely to stumble upon like I did with being an artist. Being an empath/intuitive appeals to me, but still am not sure about attracting the odd attention. So far, I have been working with a mentor and am training to go pro! I’ve done five practice readings, and each person seemed intrigued by what I had for them. The most important thing I’ve learned so far is simply to trust that what I’m getting is for them and they’ll know what to do with it.
Starting today, I have a game going for myself that has me exploring what it is to be Infinite, Steadfast, and Prolific, and I am fearlessly ready to start an official practice, which is like on-the-court coaching, but from pre-listening to the conversation we will have when we have it. Anyone interested, send a question you really want power around to claykilgore-at-gmail.com and sign up for a time slot here. Please allow me 48 hours before our call to get into your world. The next five to sign up are free!
3.) Me Attempting to Explain Strange Health / Disability
Update March 21, 2020: I guess I had a lot of good results and clarity since Jan. 2019. I have been mostly off carbs and truly off sugar; somewhat on 16-hour fasting; have gone off the diabetes drugs and the steroids; beat my insulin resistance; A1C number went below what was ever expected; have gotten most of the Cushing’s Syndrome (why I had to quit the steroids) to melt away, and; updated pain management for feet and legs so I can now wear shoes and socks for the first time in about 10 years! Not 100% pain-free, but so reduced that I can’t believe it’s not a dream. It’s a good report. It helps to be able to put it on top of whatever is below.
From January 2019: The current structure of my life is this: I say I am a retired advertising artist. I did do a heckuva lot of that in my career, starting before Photoshop all the way up into 2012, but what really happened is that I started to feel pretty unwell around 2009 but kept working until I really no longer could. I was also working on other things as well. I had started a nonprofit called Kledèv in 2006 to empower community development in Haiti and was also giving a lot of time and energy toward coaching program participants and producing and leading programs at what used to be called Landmark Education – now called Landmark Worldwide. (I am an advocate for this kind of training and highly recommend it!)
But all at once, I started a new life of disability – a horrible word for anyone who is working on feeling better! Good thing I know how to be optimistic! It all started with leg pain and a weird skin condition, then spread to body inflammation, exhaustion, brain fog, dizziness, fatigue, shortness of breath, little tremors, weight gain, et cetera. Doctors, nurses, studies, treatments, drugs, and procedures couldn’t easily get to the bottom of all of it, but I sure am grateful for what they did solve.
After a friend insisted I go to the doctor, what was found was a past infection of tuberculosis, hepatitis C, and HIV. These made me an interesting candidate for several studies, including one which actually cured hep C! All has been treated, cured, or is beautifully managed, respectively, according to my wonderful doctor. Over the years, I have been treated for every skin condition known to man. This is still a mystery, but the tribe I belong to calls the condition erythema nodosum, or Red Bumps. The best thing I did was flip my point of view about western medicine from one of suspicion and fear to one of total trust.
Western medical is expected to solve and cure, but I think we need to look at it all as clues. I originally knew on some level that I wasn’t living a sustainable lifestyle. Years later (Jan 2019), I am still working on what might work to regain some energy, vitality, and ability to do normal things on a daily basis. I am up to about 1-2 hours daily and 3-5 hours once or twice a week.
During this time, my hair grew long, my body changed and got huge (300 lbs), age crept in (I’m 57), and my facial hair turned almost completely grey. So while dealing with poor health, brain fog, and pain, I also had to deal with my vanity!
Through it all, I got to learn how to be patient and kind with myself, love myself as I am, and let go of so much should and have to – and just let the universe do whatever it was doing. I was already going for the disposition of a Buddha; I just would have preferred not to have the body of the fat one! I am currently working on having a healthy, well-functioning body which could also result in weight loss, but the main focus is correcting hormonal imbalance. I am out to cure my own type 2 diabetes. This is where I’m at today.
4.) Holiday-Less
Update March 21, 2020: It’s March 21, the eve of my father’s 79th birthday. He says he plans on living to 88. Why should I believe otherwise? I went home last year for Halloween and Veterans Day. The family thanksgiving potluck was happening. Then I went back in February to be there for my Aunt whose husband died. I wasn’t too close with him, but he had a world with kids and grandkids. I made it home just as the coronavirus scare was rolling out here in the states. I have been out one time since returning to make the molds that will help students create my partial dentures. At this writing, the world is shutting down. It’s pretty weird. I can say that I am afraid to catch it, at least while healthcare is scrambling to figure out how to handle it. I will just be here.
From January 2019: Once I realized it’s ALL made up, I took a look at how I live this weekly routine, even though I hear myself say, “I have the life of a Cat!” So for many years, I take about three weeks off from daily calls and routines, usually mid-December through Early January, the same time as others have their ritualistic winter rituals. It’s nice to have whole days with nothing planned. These are the days I get to know myself a little better and do some of the things that just haven’t quite come together when things were routine. Like this page!
I’ll be back on the 7th of January – next Monday. I might add another of these holiday-less periods this year, maybe in May or June? We’ll see…
???? Clay K