Month: January 2023

Learned: Meta for Business would drive me crazy. I do not want to have all the communication in one place when it would still be most of it it, not all. It’s not the kind of empire I currently wish to run. 3.

Grateful: for all the things I could do. For regained abilities, now and in the future. For friends leaving clues and for my finding them. 3.

Accomplished: Well, I ate that soup for dinner, didn’t I! It’s amazing how difficult it can be for me to coordinate my own damn dinner after a certain time of day has passed. I do know that I better get it started early or I might not even go in there to warm anything up.

Thinking about: It’s been a while since I said anything here much about my health breakdowns. I don’t dwell on my health breakdowns as a story I tell to everyone, but I will say a bit today since I have an old friend here who is going through something hard.

I’m feeling alright today, sitting up managing things and typing, starting to feel the tension in my hips and a little tightness in my lower back build from sitting in the drafting-height chair that I still seem to think I need. Unexamined structures from the past. I like it better than bed or couch. It feels like I’m doing something when I am sitting at a desk in a semi-uncomfortable chair that I paid good money for.

After many years of being unable to function to the point of assuming the life of a disabled person, I feel so much better, and still have a long way to go to achieve Dick Van Dyke longevity! I have changed and changed again while in the midst of living as a person with a disabling condition (several), as they are kindly starting to say now. 

I just don’t have that much energy for all these ways of connecting. I consider submitting to an app that will aggregate at the places we’re supposed to meet, then I shrink away from the screen and go be with my thoughts or talk to someone real. I consider this to be a “healthy response!”

What I really need is to have a habit of having breakfast and going for a walk. Or just the walk, get up and do it right now. That would be good.

Watch & learn:

---

A Quote About Hope:

“Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties, and at the same time, confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they may be.”

~ summarized by Jim Collins as the “Stockdale Paradox” 
found at emotionalcompetency.com/hope.htm

Reading/Listening/Watching right now: Since the last time I said anything, I think I watched the entire five seasons of Yellowstone on Peacock. So strange to become engaged in a cowboy story, but not really. I come from that, minus the cows and the cowboys. Hay, water troughs and horses. Otherwise, media consumption has become pretty random. There are many choices. I’ll let you know if anything stands out.

Seems: we are starting over with this one. I can go back to the record if I need to say it again.

Ecology of Practices: MOVED TO HERE:

Learned & listening for: Kitty D. will become a breathwork facilitator and must have a living situation that includes space for a garden. The Lavazza dark roast that I rejected before is now my favorite coffee. Listening for what is emerging (I forgot that I learned it a while back). For an online meeting, some people are comfortable winging it while others need structure, ground rules and agreements. Will have new upstairs neighbors soon. 3+1+1.

Neptune opposition Sun: Snares and Delusions – End of May 2022 until mid-March 2024:
If others have any reason to misunderstand you, they will, and they are likely to work against you because misunderstanding easily turns to fear or mistrust. The road to this understanding is full of snares and delusions that you must carefully find your way through. Give anyone who enters your life now plenty of time to prove that he or she is honest before you place a great deal of trust in that person. If you are not careful, you may come out of this period feeling very badly about yourself.

Grateful: that I do not follow a horoscopic view of life, i.e., that I am outside of the conversation of astrology and am not susceptible to its superstitions; that I can stand in love, forgiveness, being with, etc., and really stand there; for the freedom of a stormy Tuesday Afternoon. 3.

Accomplished: had a great catch-up with Kitty D. Took ladder out to the garden to get cleaned by the rain. Attended a sense-making meeting that was about the sense-making meeting and made a little sense of it. 3.

Thinking about: the dream last night where I was in Australia; that I know what would be good for me, but I don’t always do it; that I use some undistinguished excuse of weakness or hindrance to get out of having to do my life the right way; that some of my beliefs, exposed, would make the believers of astrology and such dislike my company. 3+1.

Watch & learn:

---

Reading/Listening/Watching right now: It turns out I was working nights when the early 2000s Battlestar Galactica came out, so I am watching the whole series. No wonder everyone’s so freaked out about AI and The Singularity. It isn’t a feel-good drama. I might not finish watching the whole series. I like Star Trek better, but could also be looking into other things or simply relaxing.

Listening to “How to Stand Up to a Dictator” by Maria Ressa, Nobel Peace Prize winner. She is an honest person, therefore, an honest journalist. Some of the stuff in her book is a little horrifying, but not surprising.

Seems (dropped down to here as I am collecting these instead of collaging):
like I get body aches when a storm hits, and it takes me many moons to recover;
like I have agreed to some “good” superstitions that may no longer apply;
Previously:
like the things I do that involve giving money make little difference;
like I’m trapped in a network of conversations for remembering/forgetting;
like I have, of course, forgotten a lot of the practices that “made me what I am”;
like I’m going along fine, and then BAM, something happens;
like there isn’t any knowable way that “it is”;
like life comes at me hard and fast, and I always need a longer break than I get;
that my healthy choices still aren’t healthy for my situation;
like I used to be able to eat more than I can now.
3+.

New Habit(s)(dropped down to here as I am collecting and updating these):

Black coffee for months now and intentionally bringing JOY to it, but alternating with Oaty milk and a little sweetener.

Still going toward dairy-free, plant-based information for my body’s cells, allowing for some animal proteins as we change the pantry contents and absent-mindedly use butter instead of its substitutes.

Increase capacities slowly, and they might stick. 

Checking messages and replying on Emergent Commons – this is not as frequent as some may like!

Ecology of Practices: MOVED TO HERE: