Month: December 2017

Learned: How easy it is for someone to slip into the morass while on holiday from making a difference (not me!). How to become a Notary Public. (That sounds weird.) How to designate power of attorney (in California). Lots of people take the week between xmas and NYs off, so we get their replacements.

3. Nicodemus. His cooking. His Care. 3.

Seems: Like the CMG retreat will include a nice team of men of color who care about inclusion. Like making someone your power of attorney person could be kind of a drag for them unless you have some gorgeous wealth to play with. It would be best to be clean and well-organized as part of preparing for death.

The Three Questions: Ask “What if I made this Easy?” Ask “What if I made this Important?” Ask “What about this is REHAB?”

Habits:

✔︎Do things you normally wouldn’t do
▲ Create Daily, regular reading time
✔︎ Have days where I don’t buy something
▲ Read this every day, modify and comment
✔︎ TRACK and Follow up on intended conversations – did several 12/29/17
✔︎ Never wear uncomfortable shoes
✔︎ Don’t resist having your heart broken.
✔︎ Let go. Make it easy. <<<
✔︎ Lotion & ointment
✔︎ Seek out and pursue opportunities for TRUE REHAB. 10# weights
✔︎ Find unseen self-portraits and feature them here.
✔︎ Look at what I wrote for new habits last time, copy and paste if you can’t remember
✔︎ Look at Game, calendar daily. DON’T Miss even ONE DAY!
✔︎ Become good at money, numbers and investing just because you can.
✔︎ Have breakfast of what you feel hungry for.
▲ Continue to kneel during the National Anthem until the police are sorted.
▲ Communicate Clearly what the protest is about.
▲ Note: If you start a conversation, have a way to remember that it’s still active.
✔︎ Embrace community from a distance when they’re all on holiday.
▲ Have MORE fun with pictures and words
▲ Whittle away at the chocolate inventory. Do not replace.

Accomplished: A lot of little things. House got cleaned. Dinner got made. TT registered for CMG AMM. SI & NB will be there, too.

Thinking about: How I need to hire a handyman now to finish the little jobs I used to do so easily. The hard life in Yemen. The hidden detail.

Q: What are those things or info you would want people to have about you if you died?

My Answer: Who has power of attorney. Location of Health Care advance directive and who is Health Care Power of Attorney. Location of Living Will “If you’re seeing this” video and/or “the Will” and instructions on how to dispose of the body. Passwords to Social media accounts, what should be said there, other passwords to close things like email accounts, etc. Safe Combination. What music to play (and not play) at memorial event.

Video: https://youtu.be/X75Roe_davA

Watched: Sitcom called “Mom” with Allison Janney. Has run four seasons. It’s funny, too bad about the laugh track.

Reading: “Echoes of My Soul” by Robert K. Tanenbaum (my father’s kind of story). Wanting to get back to “We Were Eight Years in Power – An American Tragedy” by Ta-Nehisi Coates, and “Hands of Life” by Julie Motz

“How we go, IT goes.”

Learned: Having a loud neighbor is a source of irritation, no matter how many times I give it up! My brother has declared he needs a break from fighting cancer, now that he can eat again. I buy books to write in and don’t ever write in them. With no UPS and Fedex delivering, the world is a quieter place. Holidays like Arbor Day and Xmax can go by completely unnoticed if you ignore them long enough. Trimming 6″ off the lion’s mane takes my outlook from dirty hippie to well-groomed royalty! Cook was invited to a dinner, so truly on my own for the first time in years and rather loving it.

3. Holidays. Non-Holidays (i.e., days). Being okay with feeling less than limitless. 3.

Seems: Like when I type these days, two-letter words can come any old way, like I’m no longer paying attention to them. Like part of the rehab I must do includes raising my arms up above my shoulders with light weights. Like rehab will include new glasses. Like the window in the door to upstairs should shatter when the thing is slammed with such violent force. Like when others are trying to cope with their feelings of loss and loneliness, I delight in the peace and freedom of my own company.

The Three Questions: Ask “What if I made this Easy?” Ask “What if I made this Important?” Ask “What about this is REHAB?”

Habits:

✔︎Do things you normally wouldn’t do
✔︎ Almost do things you normally wouldn’t do
▲ Create Daily, regular reading time
✔︎ Have days where I don’t buy something
▲ Read this every day, modify and comment
▲ TRACK and Follow up on intended conversations
✔︎ Never wear uncomfortable shoes ▲ Don’t resist having your heart broken.
✔︎ Let go. Make it easy. <<<
✔︎ Lotion & ointment
✔︎ Seek out and pursue opportunities for TRUE REHAB.
✔︎ Find unseen self-portraits and feature them here.
✔︎ Look at what I wrote for new habits last time, copy and paste if you can’t remember
✔︎ Look at Game, calendar daily. DON’T Miss even ONE DAY!
✔︎ Become good at money, numbers and investing just because you can.
✔︎ Have breakfast of what you feel hungry for.
▲ Continue to kneel during the National Anthem until the police are sorted.
▲ Communicate Clearly what the protest is about.
▲ Note: If you start a conversation, have a way to remember that it’s still active. ✔︎ Embrace community from a distance when they’re all on holiday.
▲ Have MORE fun with pictures and words

Accomplished: Went for a pretty good walk on the 24th, gathering items to have that I wouldn’t ordinarily. Bought batteries for smoke alarms and water-proof bandages for things like blisters. Stopped and chatted with a neighbor I sometimes avoid and had a perfectly lovely time. Let my brother know that if it was truly too hard, that he didn’t have to keep fighting. Avoided the carols jingling through the floor by listening to and watching stuff kind of loud on the machines closest to my head. How for once, I got it right by not doing any more than I was committed to doing.

Thinking about: All the FB comments I haven’t had the strength to write. How much lighter I’ll feel when I get my weight down to 275. How I’ll need to let go of some habits and entitlements to lose a pound or two a week. Donut store: closed Christmas, open New Years. That’s what the sign said.

Q: Who has the most info about you and what you want to be done should you suddenly die?

My Answer: I’m not at all sure anyone has it well enough to string it all together, so it must be advance directive time. Maybe I’ll upload a copy here so you can find a copy should you ever need it.

Video: https://youtu.be/gwqaTPMxZeM

Watched: “David Copperfield” with Maggie Smith, who probably had everything to do with the success of Daniel Radcliffe.

Reading: “Echoes of My Soul” by Robert K. Tanenbaum (my father’s kind of story), “We Were Eight Years in Power – An American Tragedy” by Ta-Nehisi Coates, and “Hands of Life” by Julie Motz

“How we go, IT goes.”

Learned: Holiday We are now on to the volume “H: Daily Communication.”

3. Reconfiguration. Holiday Baking. Nothing invented as a powerful place. 3.

Seems: Like people are different at retreats than in their regular, day-to-day lives. Like the areas to transform are actually more substantial than the obvious “health & well-being.” Like sometimes I make these up at the last minute, and they end up pointing to something worth looking at.

The Three Questions:
Ask “What if I made this Easy?”
Ask “What if I made this Important?”
Ask “What about this is REHAB?”

Habits:

▲ Do things you normally wouldn’t do ▲ Create Daily, regular reading time
▲ Have days where I don’t buy something ▲ Read this every day, modify and comment
▲ TRACK and Follow up on intended conversations ▲ Never wear uncomfortable shoes
▲ Don’t resist having your heart broken.
✔︎ Let go. Make it easy. <<<
▲ Lotion & ointment
✔︎ Seek out and pursue opportunities for TRUE REHAB.
✔︎ Find unseen self-portraits and feature them here.
✔︎ Look at what I wrote for new habits last time. Copy and paste if you can’t remember
✔︎ Look at Game, calendar daily. DON’T Miss even ONE DAY!
▲ Become good at money, numbers and investing just because you can.
✔︎ Have breakfast of what you feel hungry for.
✔︎ Continue to kneel during the National Anthem until the police are sorted.
✔︎ Communicate Clearly what the protest is about.
✔︎ Note: If you start a conversation, have a way to remember that it’s still active.
▲ Embrace community.
▲ Have MORE fun with pictures and words

Accomplished: Got the PC back up and running with Norton 360. Microphone works from front, but not back. Baked toffee bars, made Molasses Krinkles dough. Had Dutch Baby with Apple for breakfast.

Thinking about: Sleep has been strange and dreamful. I think running my own natural serotonin reuptake rate might be rehab. How cool it is to have created such freedom from the holidays. Acoustical foam. Better kitchen ceiling light.

Q: Who has the most info about you and what you want to be done should you suddenly die?

My Answer to yesterday’s: I was shaken to the core by this news story: https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/12/20/570777510/how-racism-may-cause-black-mothers-to-suffer-the-death-of-their-infants.

Video: https://vimeo.com/tamethebeast/rethinkpain

Reading: “We Were Eight Years in Power – An American Tragedy” by Ta-Nehisi Coates, “Hands of Life” by Julie Motz and “Echoes of My Soul”
by Robert K. Tanenbaum (my father’s kind of story.)

Learned: Some ointments work. MA is enrolled in the idea of coming to SF to study law. Brother still with it. I can shape shift, but it’s shifting from the past to the present shape, not the present shape to the future. Working on that. I am easily triggered to feel disappointed in romance but also get that I am the author of the stories that pop up. If I hurry, this is the [second to the] last “G: Daily Communication.”

3. Ability to make it Fun. Usher shining light on Colin K.’s Intention. Personal Holiday. 3.

Seems: Like if I show up as some kind of homo-erotic Santa, I could work this body. Like it would be dumb not to get into crypto-currency at some level, especially in accepting payment in Bitcoin. Like it’s time to go ahead and intrude, as opposed to being all courteous. Like days go by and with them go many of the stories one makes up in one’s head. Days later, like if I show up as some kind of homo-erotic Santa, I’d be dealing with shame. Like the NEWS is unbelievable.

Habits:

Ask “What if I made this Easy?”
Ask “What if I made this Important?”
Ask “What about this is REHAB?”
▲ Do things you wouldn’t do
▲ CREATE Daily, regular reading time
▲ Create a structure for having days where I don’t buy something.
▲ Read this every day, modify and comment.
▲ Follow up on intended conversations.
▲ Never wear uncomfortable shoes
✔︎ Let go. Make it easy. <<<
✔︎ Lotion & ointment
✔︎ Seek out and pursue opportunities for TRUE REHAB.
✔︎ Find unseen self-portraits and feature them here
✔︎ Look at what I wrote for new habits last time. Copy and paste if you can’t remember.
▲ Allow excitement.
✔︎ Look at Game, calendar daily. DON’T Miss even ONE DAY!
✔︎ Become good at money, numbers and investing just because you can.
✔︎ Have breakfast of what you feel hungry for.
✔︎ Continue to for the National Anthem until the police are sorted. Communicate Clearly what the protest is about.
✔︎ Note: If you start a conversation, have a way to remember that it’s still active.
✔︎ Embrace community
✔︎ Have fun with pictures and words

Accomplished: I took a nap for 1.5 hours. Ate lunch before nap. Had dinner. Updated to new PayPal Debit Card. Cut old card, put 1/2 of it in the trash. Obtained a few kitchen items from the long list. Restored the internal drive on laptop. Getting used to new phone. Got the 2017 donor list to MF. Slept 8+ hours, which almost never happens. Stopped in the space between “bad news” and making light of it, and well, that’s where the suffering lives.

Thinking about: Net Neutrality and how the only companies that can win are the ones who keep it the way it is now. The Bitcoin crypto-currency craze/movement. How storage cube stools with cushy lids could hide a lot of indecision. Some of the core things Werner Erhardt says like it’s all made up.

Q: When and what was the last thing that kind of woke you up and shook you to your core?

My Answer: Nothing new has shook me to the core.

Video: https://vimeo.com/91542638

Reading: “We Were Eight Years in Power – An American Tragedy” by Ta-Nehisi Coates, “Hands of Life” by Julie Motz.

Learned: Netflix has a series that my father might like called “Godless.” He would be surprised that the cast is all woman. About how much is a knob of butter. DA wants his tombstone to say “This wasn’t on the list.” Margaret Cho is 49. Today is Cocoa Day.

3. A clever baker. Rituals. Seborrheic Dermatitis Cream. 3.

Seems: Like when I stay on my own a lot, what I forget how much I love people. Like people love it when they spot an opportunity to talk about their pets. Like around this time of year, the weather feels stale if it’s too nice. Like African Americans in Alabama have spoken. Like so much is happening, it can’t all be recorded.

Altering Habit(s):

✔︎ Let go, make it easy.
⚠︎ Make it important.
✔︎ Seek out and pursue opportunities for TRUE REHAB.
⚠︎ CREATE Daily, regular reading time
✔︎ Allow excitement.
✔︎ Look at Game, calendar daily. DON’T Miss even ONE DAY! (I need to work on this one)
✔︎ Have breakfast of what you feel hungry for.
✔︎ Continue to for the National Anthem until the police are sorted. Communicate Clearly what the protest is about.
✔︎ Let go for now: Get in touch with Colin K for an “is it working?/what’s next?” inquiry.
⚠︎ Create a structure for having days where I don’t buy something.
✔︎ Look at what I wrote for new habits last time. Copy and paste if you can’t remember.
⚠︎ Read this every day, modify and comment.
✔︎ Note: If you start a conversation, have a way to remember that it’s still active.
⚠︎ Follow up on intended conversations.
✔︎ Embrace community
⚠︎ Never wear uncomfortable shoes
✔︎ Have fun with pictures and words
✔︎ Find unseen self-portraits and feature them here

Accomplished: I did a little performance in which I asked the audience to yell out the name of their cats. It was tremendous! I felt that cats would come running. I met a new friend, initials JS. We have stuff in common. Retreat was therapeutic. I’m adding “beautification” to my rehab game. It’s probably what I mean anyway.

Thinking about: How long it’s been since I sent one of these out. How forward I’m looking to the end of being the registrar. Constructing a different life than I thought I was going to have that isn’t so defined by being exhausted.

Q: When and what was the last thing that kind of woke you up and shook you to your core?

My Answer: Hearing from a friend about his brother who had esophageal cancer and how that all went.

Video: https://vimeo.com/135051328

Reading: “We Were Eight Years in Power – An American Tragedy” by Ta-Nehisi Coates, “Hands of Life” by Julie Motz.

Learned: The NFL offered millions to charities of the players’ choice IF they discontinued the Anthem protest. Tax cut happening, so in the world of opportunity, time to get rich and form corporations. Inheritance less taxed in six years. LL Cool-J is 49. Q-Tip is the Artistic Director at the Kennedy Center.

3. The courage of others. People who do the menial jobs. Self-portraits. 3.

Seems: Like the NFL blew it by offering $, now even if the players were willing to end the anthem protest, they can’t without looking like they’re giving in. After four years of structuring event registration in CiviCRM, it seems like there’s still a lot I don’t know. Like the inheritance tax law change not taking effect for six years is especially strange or I just don’t get it. Like people need you to reach out to them.

Altering Habit(s):

Let go, make it easy.
Seek out and pursue opportunities for TRUE REHAB.
CREATE Daily, regular reading time
Allow excitement.
Look at Game, calendar daily. DON’T Miss even ONE DAY! (I need to work on this one)
Have breakfast of what you feel hungry for.
Continue to for the National Anthem until the police are sorted. Communicate Clearly what the protest is about.

Let go for now: Get in touch with Colin K for an “is it working?/what’s next?” inquiry.
Create a structure for having days where I don’t buy something.

Look at what I wrote for new habits last time. Copy and paste if you can’t remember.

Read this every day, modify and comment.
Note: If you start a conversation, have a way to remember that it’s still active.
Follow up on intended conversations.

• Embrace community
• Never wear uncomfortable shoes
• Have fun with pictures and words
• Find unseen self-portraits and feature them here

Accomplished: Read chunks of Tax Reform. Talked/listened to young RR, he needed it. Gave him “bring peace to it.” Built 95% of the annual members’ meeting registration. Set up VO station (mostly) including new power supply. Spent some nice moments reviewing some of the work of a very good man.

Thinking about: LL Cool J: Artist. Super proud of him.

Q: Did you own any of LL Cool J’s music?

My Answer: I have a cassette of the album that has “Knock You Out” on it. I would drive around Portland, Oregon in my little red convertible playing that tape really loud, if memory serves. When I would try to rap, I would imagine myself living in his body.

Video: https://youtu.be/gJMrm8uVi40 bonus: https://vimeo.com/2028021

Reading: “We Were Eight Years in Power – An American Tragedy” by Ta-Nehisi Coates.