Learned: We’re almost out of Fs. DA is reviewing the manly course, while I am doing another gay guy gathering. Perhaps we should switch. Jerry Lewis is dead. Eclipse today, but I’m lazy, not enrolled. Back-to-school. Jen will be studying Landscape Architecture and sticking around.
3. Getting a little eclipse bath while listening to the end of “The Bell Jar.” Not dying from eating bad food. Being super gassy from eating the right food. 3.
Seems: Like things are working and I’m simultaneously kidding myself. Like confusion is the source of suffering. Like pills are the structure for keeping disease in existence. Achey seemingly never ends. Tired seems ever-present.
New Habit(s): I wonder if I’ll ever catch up. Take a break. Only drinking things with zero calories. Create and use a Sleep Ritual. Record intake. Plan Ahead. Healthy Fats. Smart Carbs. Lean Protein (at every meal). 5 colors a day. 80% full. Slow down. Make time. Breathe. Start.
Accomplished: 108 registrations, 47 of them in the past 9 days, the rest over six weeks. 11 days to go. I’ll take 36 more. Started watching “Outlander” which is a lot racier than I would expect from a show my mother recommended. Watched several episodes, now I get it.
Thinking about: Reinventing. I like plenty about what I’ve created, but what I’ve created seems to hold me in a sort-of identity.
Q: Can you be still and wait for the right moment to act? How will you know it is the right moment to act?
My answer to the last question, “What are you trying to prove, and to whom?” I’m trying to prove that I’m mostly okay and that I’m getting stronger and on my way to being hotter and more sought-after than ever. This would be an image. I would still likely go home at the end of the day and fall into bed exhausted and alone, and that would really suit me fine.
Video: https://youtu.be/f55QO2isoKM
Reading: Finished “The Bell Jar.” Getting back into “A Thousand Names for Joy” by Byron Katie. A favorite.