Author: wonder

K: Daily Communication

Pain remedies taken tracker. I use PillPack for my prescription drugs, but the pain remedies I take are out of sync with the twice- and once-daily medications, so I made this simple checklist to use daily. Without it, every day looks the same. It still seems like I still take a lot of pills.

​Learned: That I can swipe a post from the past and get the caption style back that I like. That having collaborators here may be trickier than I think it will be. That I can think about becoming plant-based while enjoying a pile of porky dumplings! 3.

3+1: Day two of black coffee. “Slept again” this morning, until 10:30 a.m. People have hard conversations to have before they can move forward. I want to go for a walk, but ________. 3+1.

Seems: Like my new friend from “Buy Nothing” is also becoming a good accountability coach for getting me to take walks. Like this day has sped by. Like I have many animal-based items in the house tempting me to put off my new program. 3.

Three Old Questions:
“What if I made this Easy?”
“What about this is REHAB?”
“What if I made this Important?”

Carrying over from just before my brother died:
I am embracing the beauty of nature.

Thinking about: Radical changes actually being doable and worth it. Getting more rest at inconvenient times, as a cat might. My beautiful Tuesday Wizards. 3.

On-purpose ways of being: Smooth, curious, and alive, while forgiveness, peace, freedom, and unconditional love are in the background always.

Accomplished: Extra Sleep. 14-hour fast. Nic cooked vegan beans and rice for dinner.

Watched/Watching: The documentary “The Game Changer” has me convinced a plant-based diet will be my salvation. I am also watching “The Junior British Bake-off.” And the M.C. Escher one, below.

Reading: “Parable of the Sower” by Octavia E. Butler. If I ever write a book, I will put an initial between my first and last names. Clayton R. Kilgore?

A documentary worth watching:

K: Resuming Communication

“The Sea of Fog” Caspar David Friedrich, 1818. Image Source: images.fineartamerica.com via HERE. I have a minimalist friend who chose this image as his only artwork. Hmm.

Learned: I can drink my coffee black, which is still enjoyable. That I can get in a snit, forlorn and positional, entitled, cunty and self-righteous (on the inside), and come out of it with resolve, greet the world newly, and buy beautiful fruits and vegetables.

Grateful for: the undercurrent of human kindness that I believe is in us all, even in the seemingly cruelest. Corner shop with beautiful fruits and vege. The generosity I am, even when I am not.

Seems: Like I’ve been tricked, or I tricked myself into believing X; like I’ll never win my health game; like I need to “get out of it.”

New Habits: walk-a-block every day (going outside, by the front door), Beets and celery juice. Black coffee (day one is Oct. 11, 2022), plant-based eating and drinking to de-fat the blood (if I can do the black coffee, I can do anything!) Journaling like this (newly, again). Instagramming as artist.

Thinking about: Since it’s been a while, it’s fair to say I’ve been thinking about many things. The top three and most recent are:

1). how strange it is to have this mode of thinking “back” that resembles the pre-SSNRI times. Not as Zen an experience, but with more possibility than the accepting every moment as it was (since there was little I could do about it) way of life. It’s as if things could be important. And that maybe being healthy is possible by accepting drastic measures. I’m thinking about the past decade I’ve spent in a drug-induced stuckness. Not as manic as I was when the drug was wearing off. But a sadness, maybe from what I’m reading and from completing pleasurable habits like coffee with cream.

2). I have work to do. Habit work, mind work. The days will still wash over me, no matter what I choose.

3). Learning re-learning is troubling. I hope some habit-forming takes place that has me wordpressing and such with greater ease. I understand winging it with settings will mess things up.

Listen or View: (A link to a video, so others can see something they never would see or hear some music they wouldn’t find on their own.)

Reading? Parable of the Sower by Octavia E. Butler. I have a stack of books like I always have, but I am going to attempt a lifestyle of reading just one book at a time for the rest of my life. That will be new and way less scattered.

This book, a dystopian-future survival story set written in the 1980s about a time around now, is pretty saddening as a story. Now that I have access to emotions again, I am not sure I like the story, but I like the way it’s written, and since it’s an audiobook read by Lynne Thigpen, I am enjoying the performance even though my soul desires to live in a brighter world.

Wildcard: I felt physically nervous while waiting in line at Walgreens. Social distancing seems to be over.